Some of the Hardest Things About Online Dating (And, What We Can Do About Them!)

I think all people who have at some point tried online dating have had some negative experiences.

Maybe you were ghosted or the messaging never led to an in-person date to connect further. Or maybe you have just felt frustrated by the time and commitment it takes while feeling like your efforts have not helped you find your life partner yet. Maybe you've had people that never respond back to messages or at some point in initial conversations just drop off.

Whatever it has been, it is highly likely you’re not the only person who has felt that way. In a fast-moving digital world, dating culture has changed a lot, even in the last 5 to 10 years. It is so much different than it was for our parents and grandparents. 

Recently on the CatholicMatch Facebook page, there was a giveaway for a free 6-month CatholicMatch Premium account.

To enter, you had to leave a comment answering the following question:

Do you think online dating is awful?

You know what....it got people talking, and me thinking.

Over 1,000 comments later, it was insightful to hear from lots of Catholic men and women about what is difficult or what they dislike about online dating.

It led me to think about and reflect on my own online dating experience, from everything to the highs, lows, and my faux pas along the way. There were a lot of similar experiences, while there were people who commented that had very different experiences than me.

While I cannot begin to capture or take a stab at all 1,000 points made, I thought it might be encouraging to look at some of the most common responses to what makes online dating difficult...AND...one tangible thing we can do about it!

People not responding back to messages or suddenly dropping off.

Answer: Talk with several different people at a time.

Now you might see this and think, “But there is no one I am interested in talking with,” or “Okay sure, that is easier said than done.” I have had this happen plenty of times, and if you are putting yourself out there in online dating, I am sure it has happened to you too.

It is both frustrating and can feel hurtful when someone does not take the time to respond or suddenly drops off after what feels like what was an initial good connection.

What has helped me when I bump into those experiences, is talking to several different men at a time. That way, if I don’t hear back from a message or someone drops off, there are some other connections still brewing and developing.

That being said, I have been on both ends of the stick. I have not responded or dropped off, and what those experiences have shown me is I really want to be intentional about treating others the way I want to be treated when it comes to online dating. The golden rule Jesus left us with also applies here, perhaps in more ways than one!

Seeing someone read a message but never respond back.

Answer: Commit to always responding back, even if you’re not interested.

Honestly, how have you handled this scenario in the past? It might feel uncomfortable to ask but I think it is very important to consider and sit with. Remember what I said about that golden rule? Yep, it still applies here!

I have heard from different single and married friends varying opinions on this. Some say ignore, while others firmly believe it is a common courtesy to respond and at least acknowledge the other person, even if you are not interested in getting to know them more.

If someone takes the time to write you a message and look at your profile, it certainly is the kinder thing to do to at least acknowledge the gesture. CatholicMatch has the feature that it shows when your message has been read, therefore you know when and if your message has been read. 

If you are not interested in connecting with someone who sends you an initial message, it doesn’t have to be a long-drawn-out response. It can be something as simple as, “Dear _____, Thank you for taking the time to send me a message. I very much appreciate the gesture, but my intuition is telling me not to move forward.”

That is one idea, but you can use your own words too. Whatever you say, be clear, direct, and kind.

Negative experience on a particular dating site.

Answer: Be on at least 3 different sites.

One thing I was struck by on the long comment thread of this Facebook post, was how many people had negative experiences on dating sites, like with scammers. I have had a few negative online dating experiences myself, but it seemed like for many single Catholics, negative experiences leave them feeling everything from hurt and hesitant to frustrated at what the online dating experience looks like.

One of my dear friends happens to be a life coach. She highly values self-growth and improvement, and we find ourselves in the same stage of life when it comes to dating and relationships. She has learned a lot (and graciously shared with me!) from her own experience of doing work with different dating coaches. One thing Mave taught me is the importance, if at all possible, of being on several different dating sites. Her suggestion to me was at least three.

Why is this?

Because being active on several different dating sites or apps will widen your pool for meeting and developing a good relationship.

From my own experience, being on several apps was helpful for me, because it gave me different avenues to connect with and get to know more men. Some were better than others, but overall, it did help me widen my pool of potential connections.

While being on more dating platforms or apps costs money, I found some to be more worthwhile and affordable than others. If you are able, make a plan of how many dating platforms and apps you will be on, and then try it out for several months. If it feels like too much or becomes too costly, you can always cancel some.

Try it out and see what happens and how that feels...you might be pleasantly surprised!

What have you found are some of the hardest things about online dating? Are there any helpful ways you have found to help navigate that better?