A CatholicMatch Examination of Conscience

I found my husband on CatholicMatch in 2005, after only using the site on and off for three months.  Here's the thought process I went through to do some spiritual spring cleaning that helped me used the site so efficiently.

1. Beware of Hidden Traps

The world preys upon this dissatisfaction with our lives in order to sell us something.  There are far too many distractions and snares in which we can find ourselves indulging, derailing us from the life God intended.  I had to let go of my attachments and expectations to make purposeful steps towards fulfilling my vocation. Remember if God wanted our lives to all look the same, He would have made us all look the same.  Check your motivations as you browse CatholicMatch:

• We can re-label what we're doing to satisfy our own ambitions and say it's what God wants from us, but is it really?
• Think specifically about how you treat other men and women on CatholicMatch.  Are you treating them the way you want others to treat your siblings, nieces, nephews, and parents?  Or are you treating them as objects to fill your need for attention and affection?
• Are you hiding behind social conventions such as who initiates conversations and dates because it's more comfortable or because there is a greater principle at stake?  Are you communicating the difference between your comfort level and an imperative in your profile or relationships?
• Think about your current occupation.  Are you pursuing the right career that God is calling you to?  Or do you feel a pull towards something else, only you've talked yourself out of it because it's too far out of reach or requires too much sacrifice?
• Our choices may look like external goods, but are they leading us to become holy people?  Think about your last contact with a member of CatholicMatch.  Was your behavior becoming of a saint, or did you fall short?  How will you avoid that trap again, and what resolution will you make to have a more positive interaction?  How will you hold yourself accountable for this?
• Are we procrastinating the greater good by seeking easier alternative goods in order to feel successful?  Are there members of CatholicMatch that you won't even try pursuing because you think they are out of reach?  My husband wouldn't have found me if he literally didn't expand his search results to 150 miles.
• Are we keeping our interactions with CatholicMatch members solely online to save ourselves the expense and awkwardness of meeting in person?
• Are we giving up too soon after a first date, or are we focusing too much on a first date to protect ourselves from having to open up again and get to know other people?
• Is it possible that God gave us our gifts and talents for some purpose other than what we're currently seeking?  In other words, are you 99% sure God is calling you to marriage (you can't be 100% sure until after you've made your vows)?  We have a shortage of religious vocations in our generation, and it's not because God stopped calling people.  Have we quieted our minds and hearts to hear His whispers of persuasion?  He's really quite compelling once you get to know Him.  Spend more time with Him physically in the presence of the Eucharist.
• Are we exploring those other career, dating, and vocation options fully?  What do you have to lose?  What is so important for you to cling to?  Is it worth putting off your vocation—to marriage or religious life?  Will you be able to look your future children in the eyes and explain to them your reasoning?  (Children are very perceptive and won't accept anything but the truth).

2. Focus On Christ

If you catch yourself caught in the cross hairs of comparisons with your married or religious friends, let me offer this one piece of advice. Instead of staring at your own reflection or that of others, stare at the image of Christ, and I promise your own will liken to His.  The joys from discerning your specific path to sanctification are not always instantaneous, but God is good and always rewards the faithful.  The specifics in our lives are most often kept as mysteries.

Through grace, God may reveal to us some of the whys we ask; yet if we had all the answers, we wouldn't need faith, and we'd likely feel that we wouldn't need Him, either.  God only reveals to us what we need, and sometimes that may be very little.  Give Him everything, anyway.  No one will love you better than He can.

God has not forgotten you; rather, He is patiently waiting for your unique gift of life.  I pray that God grants you many graces throughout your journey of living life as a gift of love, while single now, and throughout your married or religious life.