“This is against my better judgement,” I thought to myself...
...as I got ready for a date with a man who I would describe as the best-looking guy I have ever encountered in real life.
Clearly, this guy had looks and this suave charisma going for him (don’t those two always seem to go hand-in-hand?), but I knew they were coming at a cost. Though Mr. Good-looking had stated moral beliefs that definitely opposed my own, I was too excited to go on a date with someone I actually liked to think thoroughly through the situation.
The date was awesome, and before I knew it the night was coming to a close. I found myself on his rooftop, with my second (or was it my third?) drink in hand, sitting way closer to him than I would have had anyone else been around.
I was so disenchanted with "good men" of upright moral standing. So I started dating the opposite type.
As a girl of strong-moral character and conviction, I was aghast at myself for being in that situation to begin with.
But after series and series of bad dates and dating relationships with “good men” of seemingly upright moral standing who I had assumed would treat me well, it’s safe to say that I was more than disenchanted with the church boys and wanted a change of scenery. Cue Mr. Good-looking. Not a church-goer, a declared pagan, and for all intents and purposes, not a guy that I would have deemed worthy of me or any girl that I cared about. Yet there I was, willingly in a situation that I’d advise any other girl against.
Let me leave you on that cliff-hanger just a bit longer while I explain what led me to this point to begin with, beyond just happening to have a really good-looking guy ask me out.
Only dating Christians cuts the dating pool in half at least! What's a girl to do?!
As a Christian woman, it’s understandable to want to date and eventually marry someone who shares your same values. More than just a want, I would state this as a need, and as such, any guy who didn’t identify as a Christian or believe in God was automatically out of the picture. All my single-ladies out there can testify to the fact however, that being unwilling to date non-Christians cuts the babe-pool in half, maybe even more.
As a result I have continually found myself (and a bunch of other amazing women) fawning over the same few guys who make the cut and could still be described as somewhat normal. When I have beat the odds and actually end up dating one of these guys, I have time and time again been disappointed in their lack of character, conviction to the truth, and quite frankly, how they treat me. All of this to say, I realize that I had made the erroneous assumption that if a man held values similar to mine, he was a good man, and if not, he wasn’t.
I’m calling BS on the whole thing, because the world isn’t separated between those who are good and those who are evil, rather the line between good and evil is written down the middle of every human heart. Now back to the rooftop…
It was in the midst of that compromising setting that I was completely floored by the reverence that this guy showed for me.
Though he could have easily attempted to make the night go a very different way, this guy (the pagan one, remember?) gave me a kiss on the forehead, told me that he respected me, and proceeded to get me home at a decent hour in one piece. Never had I ever been treated that well before by any guy, Christian or not. It’s true that when a man loves a woman, he has a profound sense of responsibility for her. He seeks what is best for her rather than his own interests. Now I’m not saying this guy loved me after one date, but did his actions not just express that genuine love and respect?
I am not here to advocate for lowering your standards. Quite the opposite. Hold them high! How terrible to be in a relationship that only exists because you compromised and settled.
I am, however, advocating on behalf of the underlying goodness of the human race.
A few days after said-rooftop experience, we (Mr. Respectful and myself) were chatting on the phone, and I had the chance to thank him for how well he treated me and comment on the fact that, while it was what I wanted, I had begun to doubt that any man was capable of it. His response? “Of course, I treat people the way they should be treated.”
I realize not all guys are like this. Perhaps I was so lucky to have found one of the few gems.
But I will say this, strength of character and the ability to act rightly is not limited to only those who declare a certain set of beliefs. We are all capable of it, and some men may not have the language to describe it, yet unknowingly embody it.
I’ve had my fair share of doubts from past dating relationships, but this experience has taught me that good men will rise to the standard that women set for them. Rather than categorizing men based off of their stated religious beliefs, be open to encountering their goodness; you may find it in the most unlikely of places.
