Learn How to Date From My Little Pony
Confession time: I’m a big fan of the show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I make no apology for this; it’s smart, it’s funny, it’s got great characters, it’s just all around a wonderful show.
One of the things I especially like about it is the care that’s put into the morals. The whole show is built around teaching lessons to the young target audience, but they’re often thoughtful enough to be profitable for adult fans as well. Considering the world we live in, the level of moral intelligence on display is very impressive, especially for a kids’ show. And, though there’s not much in the way of romance on display (apart from a few side characters), some of these lessons can be very useful when applied to dating and relationships, especially with regard to the often-alarming prospect of letting the other person see who you really are.
Discord and Fluttershy PC: Hasbro
There’s a recent episode where Discord (the resident trickster god and reformed evil overlord) invites the sweet and soft-spoken Fluttershy to his house for tea. Now, Discord really likes Fluttershy: she’s the one who turned him away from evil and, for a long time, was the only one who was willing to put up with his antics. Therefore he’s determined to make a good impression on her.
As he gets ready, though, he grows increasingly worried about how the demur pegasus will react his house, with its living furniture, volcanoes on the ceiling, and general lack of gravity. So he changes it to something he thinks she would like, in the process making it almost painfully normal.
Fluttershy, however, is disappointed: turns out she’d been hoping to see the crazy creature completely in his own element. Because, as she explains, she likes Discord, and she likes him because he’s so very different from her and is constantly introducing her to new things. By trying to make himself ‘normal’ for her sake, Discord ironically removed the very thing Fluttershy found most appealing about him.
Are we willing to let people in on how weird we are?
It’s tempting, when we want someone to like us, to try to be what we think they want us to be. Being open and revealing our unique personality can be alarming; Discord has a near-panic attack at the idea of how Fluttershy might react to seeing just how strange and different he really is. But, though it’s a risk, letting the other person see us for who we are is really the only way to have a relationship. If we constantly put up a front and hide the things that make us who we are, then we’re not really helping anything.
How can someone come to like us if they don’t even know who we are?
This is not, I hasten to add, a license to do whatever you want under the excuse “it’s who I am.” Early in their relationship, Fluttershy makes it very clear to Discord how much she will and will not tolerate from him. His chaotic, carefree personality is fine; his penchant for playing mean tricks on people or throwing childish tantrums is not.
She thus makes the distinction between what Discord should change and what he shouldn’t. Fluttershy doesn’t ask him to be a completely different person, and she can make allowances for his bad habits, but she does ask that he not be a selfish jerk and lets him know that his working to overcome that side of himself is a condition of their remaining friends.
But you also can't use, "that's who I am" as an excuse
Everyone will have bad sides of their personality: we all have vices, flaws, and habitual sins that we have to work on. These are not to be counted as just ‘who we are,’ but as things we need to try to change. Failure to do so, or failure to acknowledge them as flaws that need to be overcome, can and should endanger the relationship.
On the other hand, quirks, individual interests, and differing personality types are things we shouldn’t try to change and shouldn’t be afraid to reveal to others. This is really one of the primary themes of the show in general; all the main (mane) cast have drastically different personalities, which sometimes leads to friction (especially early on), but which is ultimately what makes their relationships so strong. They challenge each other and keep one another in check, as well as expanding one another’s horizons and introducing new things into their lives.
Sometimes this works (Twilight introduces Rainbow Dash to the joy of reading), sometimes it doesn’t (Applejack never comes to share Rarity’s love of fashion), but even then, they at least learn to appreciate each other’s interests, which is not only helpful relationship wise but also is a sign of personal growth.
As Aristotle said,
“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain an idea without accepting it.”
To be able to see why someone likes something, or just to appreciate that they do without necessarily enjoying it yourself is a mark of maturity (yes, the show about magical talking ponies models real maturity. You starting to see the appeal?).
Learning real maturity from magical talking ponies
This constant blend of jostling, encouragement, and conflict has a very positive effect on one’s personality. As the show goes on, the characters all grow notably better as people from constantly being honest and open with one another and challenging each other.
The Mane Cast PC: Hasbro
Fluttershy’s relationship with Discord, for instance, forces her to grow more assertive. From having to keep him in check, she learns to stand up for herself. At the same time, his love of the strange and unexpected opens new avenues of interest that she never would have had without him. Her kindness and forbearance, meanwhile, shows Discord how to be nicer and more accommodating to other people and takes his focus off of himself.
In summary, if you’re looking for a relationship with someone, don’t be afraid to just be yourself. That means letting them see what interests you, what you’re passionate about, your real personality, and even what you might think of as your flaws. It can be scary, and you may reasonably fear the other person will think less of you for the fact that, say, you’re a grown man who writes essays about a show designed to sell toys to little girls.
Odds are, though, they probably won’t. They may or may not come to share your interests, but even if they don’t they’ll at least appreciate you more for your willingness to be who you are. You both will become better people from experiencing that kind unapologetic openness. You may even find that the very thing you’re most afraid to reveal is what the other person will like the most about you. In any case, if you want someone to like you, being interesting is a good first step, and that means being a little different.
