How to Battle Fear When Making Dating Decisions

What are you so afraid of?  

Unfortunately, this is a question I have to ask myself often. I’m an overthinker. Whether it be about finding a new job, going out with someone (that has always turned me into a nervous wreck), or moving to another city, I have issues with change.  

I’ve realized over the years that I can actually think myself out of good decisions. It’s a bit of an uphill battle not to be paralyzed by my fear of making a poor decision. The thing is, not making a decision is a decision and often not a very good one. So, what can you do to combat this fear and tendency to freeze up when it comes to dating?

First of all, anxiousness is not a trait conducive to finding a spouse and that’s the whole point of joining a site like CatholicMatch! I completely understand the hesitancy to step out of your comfort zone, to put yourself out there and either message, reply, or even go out with someone. But each step in the relationship (assuming you’ve at least made it through the very beginning) is going to require some things to change in your life.

There are many unknowns in both old and new relationships. This can be frightening when you’re used to controlling almost everything around you. I’ve found that it’s especially burdensome for those of us who have lived the single life longer than others. But upon reflection, I’ve found there are ways to put those fears in check.     

1. Weigh your options.

Look at the consequences for each decision, whether they be positive or negative, and then really think about which one is going to be more beneficial to you in the long run. This can be difficult when you’re faced with a decision that isn’t either good or bad, but neutral such as joining a church group near you or even committing to being active on CatholicMatch at least once or twice a week. The decision will probably require you to give up some of your time, but focus on how you may benefit from it.

If you join the church group, you’ll be growing your social sphere and setting yourself up to create new friendships. By committing to being active with your online profile once or twice a week, you’re more likely to start messaging people and creating more opportunities for yourself to meet someone special. Don’t give in to the temptation to always stick with that which is most comfortable for you.

2. Pray and then don’t worry.

I know this is hard one, especially that last part! When we worry, what we really are saying to God is “Please take care of this for me, but I’m still going to stress about it because I really don’t trust you.” That’s a harsh way to put it, but it’s definitely rung true in my own prayer life.

At the very least, try to recognize when you are not truly trusting God and acknowledge it. This can help to alleviate some of that undue stress. Think about Saint Augustine, Saint Paul or even Saint Peter. These men made huge mistakes in their lifetimes, yet we remember them not for their sins, but because through God’s great mercy, grace, and guidance they were able to lead awesome lives. 

3. Focus on the choice that will bring you closer to God. 

This option may actually end up being the tougher decision for you. That’s okay. God doesn’t call us to a life of comfort and ease. He calls us to take up our cross and follow Him. That means being willing to, despite our fears, step out of the boat and walk toward Jesus even if that entails crossing through hazardous waves.

You’ve more than likely already encountered some of those rough waters while online dating. But just think, if God is calling you to the vocation of marriage, battling your way through the storms of feeling defeated and frustrated will make the victory of finding your spouse all the sweeter!

4. Discuss your thoughts on the issue with someone you trust.

A sounding board can be very important to chronic worriers like myself. It also helps to have someone to bring some perspective back into your thought process. Choose this person wisely though. Make sure that they know you well enough to tell when you’re overreacting and when you actually are in a crisis.  

5. Make your decision.  

Don’t let fear dictate your life. It’s okay to feel afraid, but so often the message of God is to “Be not afraid.” There is a reason for that. Even the bravest among us suffer from fear. But we needn’t worry if we know in our hearts that God has our best interests in mind.  

Who better to take away our fears than the Creator of all things? Can we honestly say that anything should scare us if we do our best to cling to the All Powerful, All Knowing, Ever Present God? No, we can’t. Trust in Him and don’t fear what the future holds.