Long-Distance Dating To Marriage: The Surprises You Need To Know!

Many healthy long-distance relationships follow the path to marriage.

I am in one of them, and let me tell you it’s been the greatest adventure and blessing of my life! There have been some surprises along the way, especially as my husband navigated moving across the country, and we settled into a relocated life together. Let’s talk about six big ways a long-distance relationship affects a marriage that follows!

1. There will always be distance involved somewhere.

Usually, after a long-distance relationship turns into a marriage, one person moves to be with the other. Typically, this means one side of the extended family (or sometimes both sides!) is going to be distant from you as a new married couple. For instance, my husband is from Kentucky and we live in my hometown in Minnesota—so his family is 10 hours of driving away from us. So even though we’re married, there’s definitely long-distance relationships still heavily involved in our life!

A big thing to keep in mind when you’re dealing with distant family is to be as practical as you can, and find creative ways to connect with the distant side. (We do a lot of video chats, and shoot for twice-yearly road trips.) It’s important to connect with those distant, because otherwise, geographical closeness turns into playing favorites, which isn’t good for anybody.

2. Social roles might be very different in your new location.

Often, this plays out in male and female social circles. The overlap of genders and friendships can vary wildly from one location to another, even just across a couple of states or provinces. Here in the Midwest, male and female social circles mix pretty effortlessly—the biggest social challenge is often getting people to join in the conversation. In the South, where my husband is from, the social circles are much more gendered. Women tend to gather with the other women, and men with men, to the point that if someone of the opposite sex walks into the room, they are helpfully directed to where the “others” are!

So when you or your sweetie are making the big move, make sure to explore how social circles work in the new place.

3. Unspoken habits can mess with your daily routines.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just a difference you get to explore as you enter marriage. Some cultures eat at different “normal” times than others, or have a big meal of the day in the morning versus in the evening. Some places have an unspoken custom of rising before the sun, and others of staying up far after dark. There are even studies done on cultures that run on “vague” times rather than specific punctual schedules, as we often do here in the United States.

Suffice it to say, don’t panic if you are in a new location and you can’t seem to figure out the schedule. Take your time getting used to it, and always ask your new spouse to help you along the way!

4. Dietary expectations can be really fun.

Obviously, different cultures, countries, and even cities have varied diets and staple foods. These can be so drastically different from one another, it can be confusing for a new person moving in. (For example, when driving through Wisconsin, my husband first discovered what a cheese curd was—apparently they don’t have them in the South.) If you have any special health needs or allergies that a diet needs to address, make sure you do some research before moving to make sure the foods you need are available—and of course, talk to your fiancé about it so they’re in the loop.

But outside of health issues, mixing your different cuisines can be really fun to explore! You can vary up date night by trying different classic restaurants in your area, or you can teach the other to cook your favorite childhood dishes, or experiment with mixing flavors from your different cultures. This is a great avenue to develop your own unique kitchen as a new couple!

5. Modes of travel might take you by surprise.

Maybe you live in a pretty rural place where everyone has to have their own car, like I do. Or perhaps you’re a city dweller and rely on the ever-present taxi or subway. You could even be in many places across Europe, where walking and biking are the most commonplace transport. Whatever the case, don’t assume you know how best to get around your new location.

Commuting varies greatly according to location, weather, population, and culture. Be prepared for some changes if you are the one moving across the distance, and ask your new spouse to brief you on any unexpected twists. For instance, we get a ton of winter snow up here, and to accommodate the snow plows, we have something called alternate side parking. In other places, train schedules might dictate your commute times, or flood season could change your driving patterns. Just do your research and be prepared for a learning curve!

6. Catholic worship might look different than what you’re used to.

There are sooooo many beautiful rites of Mass and church service styles in the Catholic church. From the Tridentine Latin Mass, to Novus Ordo, to Gospel style music, to outdoor Mass, to shrines of various miracles, the beauty of our Faith is expressed in so many different ways.

When you’re in a marriage that started out as long-distance dating, you might be surprised by how many and how different prayers and worship styles are in your new location. Explore! Take time to discover new parishes, appreciate different ministries in your area, and dive into your new faith community. It might not look exactly like where you come from, but that’s part of the beauty of your new marriage! You get to decide together what your parish will be, your ways to be involved, and how you want to incorporate your faith styles into everyday life.

There are many, many more things that a long-distance to married relationship can expect to find. And each couple’s experience is going to be completely unique from the next!