Here's How Differences Make a Relationship Even Better

My wife is the handyman of our house.

She owns various tools, including an electric drill, a circular saw, and a blowtorch. I own an iPod and a laptop. When she uses a spray paint can, I usually have a can of cooking spray to make us dinner. 

The other day, she set about sawing the faucet off a vintage sink she wants to restore. I stood by, of little use. I’ve learned that my job is mostly to stay out of the way and be ready to call 9-1-1 if something goes wrong. 

She has qualities I don’t, and vice versa.

Having different interests and gifts, though, is a beautiful thing. 

In any relationship, each person has the responsibility to develop qualities such as kindness, respect, and faithfulness. We should always strive to work on unhealthy weaknesses. We should always strive to improve ourselves. 

But when it comes to personal gifts, we have freedom. I don’t have to try to be a handyman when I’m not. I can let my wife enjoy that while she lets me write an article or cook a meal.

The Bible says we each have different gifts. “As each one has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God’s varied grace” (1 Peter 4:10).

And Romans 12:6-8 says: 

“Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us exercise them: if prophecy, in proportion to the faith; if ministry, in ministering; if one is a teacher, in teaching; if one exhorts, in exhortation; if one contributes, in generosity; if one is over others, with diligence; if one does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.”

My friend took a preaching class in the seminary. One student was a terrible orator, but convinced he was called to preach. After enduring several rambling, incoherent, boring sermons, his instructor gently suggested that maybe he should explore developing his other gifts. 

“But I have the gift of preaching,” he insisted. “Maybe so,” the instructor said gently. “Unfortunately, we don’t have the gift of listening to you.”

Learn who you are.

Develop and enjoy your strengths. Make peace with your limitations. Don’t waste time trying to be something you are not.

I once thought I could be a monk, so I booked a retreat at a nearby monastery. Less than 24 hours later, I was ready to get out of there, grab a cheeseburger, and go for a drive. I can admire the good qualities of a monk. But that doesn’t mean I have to be one. 

Too often, differences can become points of conflict between a couple. But if we choose, they can instead become strengths that improve a relationship. 

No one enters a relationship as a completely perfect person. That’s one reason we need other people. Our differences can complement each other, making everyone happier and healthier.

Whether you are dating or married, learn to appreciate the unique qualities and interests of your significant other. Learn to appreciate your own. Cultivate those qualities in yourself and use them to bless the other person. Enjoy the special qualities they bring.   

Thomas Merton said: “For me, to be a saint means to be myself.” I cannot try to be someone else or try to shape them into something they are not. 

Life would be pretty boring if we were all exactly the same.

“I am not Saint Aloysius, nor must I seek holiness in his particular way,” wrote Pope John XXIII. “If Saint Aloysius had been as I am, he would have been holy in a different way.” 

Let’s be holy, healthy, and happy, each in our various unique ways.

We become saints by becoming ourselves. We become happier people and build better relationships that way too. As Mother Teresa said: “You can do something I cannot do. I can do something you cannot do. Together let us do something beautiful for God.”