Don't Dwell on Wrong First Impressions

Have you ever had a first impression of someone that ended up being wrong?

Jane Austen wrote one of the most successful romantic comedies of all time, Pride and Prejudice, based on wrong first impressions. In fact, guess what the working title was: First Impressions.

But actually the story was not just about wrong first impressions. It was about wrong second impressions and wrong third impressions! It's also about how dumb it is to spread your wrong impressions to other people through gossip, slander, and rash judgment.

Earth to Lizzy—you almost lost Mr. Darcy. And you almost got stuck with Mr. Wickham!

There's a lesson in this, as there is with all classic literature.

If you don't know the story, I'll fill you in a little. Then you should run out and get a copy of the book. After that, watch the best selling 6-part A&E miniseries.

Wickham is a handsome charmer who tells everybody exactly what they want to hear. The whole village falls for his smooth talking flattery. He makes a beautiful first impression, and second impression, and third impression. This enables him to take advantage of everybody in the place.

Darcy, however, presents himself exactly as he is. Once in a while, this comes across as insulting...

Darcy is shy. He is accomplished and sophisticated and richer than everybody there, but that's not all he's feeling. He feels awkward. Nothing, even a pretty partner like Lizzy, is going to convince him to hop around on the dance floor in front of the whole room.

Lizzy doesn't know him, so she thinks he's being too sexy for this party, specifically too sexy for her. But his remark only seems to be about her. It's really about him.

Meanwhile, Wickham pays lots of attention to Lizzy. This is also not about her. It's about him. He likes pretty girls. He's had his way with lots of them. Lizzy's pride makes her believe she's special to him. She's so duped that when he dumps her for a plain looking heiress, her prejudice makes her put the blame on Darcy!

Lizzy forms an entirely wrong judgment of both men based on first impressions.

The whole drama of the book is getting Lizzy to get out of her own way so that she can choose the right husband.

SPOILER: Eventually, it takes Wickham seducing Lizzy's silly younger sister for her to realize he's a jerk. Then she finds out it was Darcy who paid him off to marry her and keep her from social ruin, without even wishing the credit, and the lightbulb finally goes on over her head: "One has got all the goodness, and the other all the appearance of it."

Except lightbulbs weren't invented yet. The candelabra finally goes on over her head. The true characters of both men finally come to light.

And so it is with us—which is why the story is still fresh two hundred years later.

We think we know what we want in dating, but we get in our own way. Our pride makes us welcome one person too easily; our prejudice makes us dismiss another too quickly. We trust our first impressions... but maybe they're based more on what's going on inside of us than on what's going on inside someone else. But there's one sure way to know a person's true character: through time and experience.

So when you're dating, don't be too quick to judge for your own good. Give it time and experience. Whatever you do, don't miss Mr. Darcy.