It was a few months before I came to the painful decision that I needed to leave my marriage and file for a divorce.
I was sitting in the office of the then-rector (now regional bishop in our archdiocese) of our seminary. One of my best friends who happened to be a priest recommended that I talk with him.
I sat in his office, tears pouring out my fears of uncertainty of a life that I didn’t think I could keep living. I wrestled with hope that maybe God could restore my marriage, and it could be saved. But at the same time, I struggled with the reality that little was changing even after all the money and time we spent on counseling. I was standing at a precipice and was overwhelmed by the choices I had to make.
The priest leaned over and moved the tissue box closer to me. He adjusted his glasses and said to me, “Patty, I want you to have hope that God could restore your marriage. But I want you to pay attention and have your eyes wide open. Don’t be stupid. Be wise and discerning. God hates divorce, but he doesn’t hate divorced people.”
"God hates divorce, but he doesn't hate divorced people."
He gave me a big hug before I walked out of his office and assured me of his prayers for me. I left with more peace than I had felt in months. I didn’t necessarily have clear-cut answers, but I left grounded in the truth that if I needed to leave my marriage, God would bring a greater good from those painful years of my life.
If leaving was my only option, God could (and would!) use it for a greater good in my own life and the lives of other people.
I used to have a difficult time accepting and believing that God could possibly bring a greater good from my marriage ending. But He has. And He can do the same thing in your life.
What was the most devastating experience of my life has now borne tangible fruit.
I am now two and half years past my divorce. My declaration of nullity was accepted, and I received an affirmative decision. I have met a wonderful man, and we have begun dating. In all honesty, it is the healthiest relationship I have ever had with a man.
While I have experienced a lot of inner spiritual and emotional healing, God has used my particular experience of being in a marriage where sexual addiction was present to minister to and help other women who were in a similar situation. What I used to think was the most devastating experience of my life, God has used to make me stronger and also bless the lives of women in a similar situation. I regularly talk on the phone with and e-mail women around the country who need support or someone to talk with as they make sense of their reality.
A friend and I have a created a workshop in our diocese called “Whispered in the Dark” a ministry to offer women support who find themselves in a serious relationship with a man who is addicted to pornography. Our project is slowly opening up doors in our local Church community to have more honest conversations about pornography and sexual addiction.
God has opened doors for me to write and speak publicly from a place of healing and wholeness. The Holy Spirit has taken my experience and is using it and using me to help serve, empower, and strengthen other sisters in Christ. The pain I knew is now being used to help other people.
Even in impossible situations, God can still work and be present.
The ending of a marriage is a very serious situation and certainly not one to be taken lightly. Divorce is messy and painful. But sometimes situations exist where to stay is not the best option, and the only remaining choice is to leave. Even amid such pain, God can still work and be present.
Jesus can take that situation and use it to bring a greater good for you in your life, and even in the lives of other people.
Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers and then falsely accused of seducing another man’s wife.
Job lost everything in his life he most loved and cherished.
The woman caught in adultery was dragged through the streets after being found with another man.
Jesus was abandoned by his friends and executed as a common criminal.
If you let him, Jesus can transform the pain of your divorce into something greater.
The pain of your divorce does not go unseen by Jesus. He has not forgotten you. And if you let Him, He will use this to make you stronger. He will use it to bring about a greater good in your life.
What healing have you experienced in the aftermath of your divorce? How is God using your pain to bring about a greater good in your life and the lives of other people?
