First dates can be exciting, intimidating, and nerve-wracking all at the same time. If you’re the gentleman, you’ve worked up the courage to ask out the girl you’ve had your eye on. If you’re the lady, you’ve finally been invited on a date by a man you admire. The weekend approaches, and the anticipation grows. So, what to do between now and the day of the date? Here are a few tips.
- Pray
Prayer is the foundation of the Christian life, and that holds true of one’s dating life as well. It’s an excellent idea to place the upcoming date in God’s hands through prayer, asking Him to bless it and to guide you as you discern whether or not to pursue a relationship with this person. As I’ve written before, visits to the Blessed Sacrament are a great way to commit dating hopes and anxieties to Our Lord. There are also lots of married saints whose intercession you can call on, such as St. Joseph, St. Anne, St. Louis, St. Fernando III, St. Gianna Molla, and Blessed Charles of Austria.
- Don’t worry
“Pray, hope, and don’t worry” advises St. Padre Pio. After you’ve turned the date over to God, it’s important not to stress over it too much. Depending on your temperament, you might get some butterflies in the stomach as you think about the approaching date, but keep in mind that a first date is just that: a first attempt to get to know someone and determine whether you want to pursue a relationship further. It’s not a marriage proposal. It’s not an enormous commitment. Keep the stakes in perspective and focus on the positives.
- Don’t put too much pressure on a first date.
Along the same lines as tip number 2, it’s important not to put too much pressure on yourself or on the date. By that I mean, let things unfold naturally without expecting perfection. Sometimes, people think that a first date ought to be a wonderful, ecstatic experience involving instant chemistry with your spouse-to-be. That could happen, of course, and if so, congratulations. But it often doesn’t work that way, even if the date is the beginning of a successful relationship.
I remember walking away from the first date with my future wife feeling pretty sure that we weren’t the right fit for one another. But I knew that one date just wasn’t enough information to base a decision on, so I committed to at least one more. At our second date, I had a quite different experience that left me with a much more positive impression of our potential relationship. And the rest is history.
So keep in mind that you may have different experiences from one date to the next, and even if the first one isn’t Hollywoodesque romance, that doesn’t mean you failed or that the relationship is doomed. Of course, if there are major red flags on a first date, you may want to reconsider. But imperfection isn’t the same as a red flag.
- Take care of your health
Simple as it may sound, you can reduce stress, make yourself more appealing, and increase your enjoyment of your date by making sure that you get enough sleep and healthy food in the days leading up to it. Get fresh air and exercise. You don’t want to be dozing off at the dinner table.
- Think of some topics ahead of time
One reason people become nervous about first dates is that they fear awkwardness. A little awkwardness isn’t the end of the world (see number 3 above), of course. But to help avoid it, consider thinking up some good topics and questions to ask ahead of time. You want to maintain authenticity and spontaneity, of course. You don’t want to come off like someone who’s been preparing for an exam. But it doesn’t hurt to have a few conversation ideas in your back pocket in case the flow of talk falters.
- Look your best
First impressions matter. They’re not everything, of course, but they are something, and there’s no reason not to attempt a good first impression. Many factors contribute to this impression–your warmth, conversation, smile, body language, kindness, confidence, etc. But one obvious component of it is your appearance. Your hygiene, dress, and hair say a lot about you, and you want to choose a combination of these elements that make you look your best. Consider asking a friend or family member which clothing, hairstyle, etc. suits you best–sometimes it’s hard to be objective about this, and getting outside input can aid the process.
After all this, there’s nothing left to do but to enjoy your date. Hopefully, it leads to true and lasting love. But if not, that’s OK, too. We can’t be afraid to try, and a first date that doesn’t turn into a second shouldn’t be considered a failure; it’s just part of the overall dating process.
