How the Domestic Church Can Help Singles

Is there a growing pandemic of loneliness?

Two years ago, the United Kingdom appointed Tracey Crouch as the Minister for Sport and Civil Society—or more commonly known in the media as the minister for loneliness—to combat what is now known as the growing epidemic of loneliness.

Loneliness is difficult to quantify, as it is a feeling of isolation. As psychologists and socialists and other medical professionals study this uptick in perceived loneliness around the globe, they report that loneliness has physical, emotional, and psychological effects on a person, and those effects are not for the better.  

The underpinning cause of the rise in reports of loneliness is social isolation, which can be the result of age, health, lack of family, geographic distance, and more. There are also reports that those who engage in more social media also speak of greater feelings of loneliness than those who use less social media.

We've probably all been there at some point in our lives.

Many of us reading right now may remember or be all too familiar with the gnawing anxiety that comes with isolation and loneliness. While we know objectively that this may not be true, our subjective experience of this may be very different if we are sitting alone on a Friday night and imagine what our friends are doing with their own families. Many know this familiar pain.

It was certainly my experience many nights and even many weeks before I met my now wife. The loneliness even seemed to magnify the older I became. Having lived away from my city of birth and my family, the loneliness was oftentimes compounded. There were times when I would go months without being welcomed into the home of a family. There was certainly an ache for a home and family who was local and who was more than just me.

Hospitality is the antidote to the loneliness pandemic.

Luckily, the Catholic Church has proposed a remedy for social isolation and loneliness, and it comes in the form of hospitality.

Hospitality has a long history in Christianity with roots in the Old Testament, most notably the story of Abraham welcoming the three visitors to his tent and providing them food and rest. St. Paul even alludes to Abraham's encounter when he wrote in Hebrews: "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it." In the Gospels, we see Martha and Mary as well as Zacchaeus all showing hospitality to Christ and the Apostles.

In the 4th century, St. Basil wrote that "The Christian should offer his brethren simple & unpretentious hospitality." In Chapter 53 of The Rule of Saint Benedict St. Benedict instructs his brother monks to "Let all guests that happen to come be received as Christ" and "above all let care be scrupulously shown in receiving the poor and strangers; for in them specially is Christ received." Therefore, there is a precedent in Christianity to extend hospitality to others.

Extending hospitality is a foundation of our faith.

In the Catechism of the Catholic Church, under the section on the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, is a short but essential passage on the domestic church (that is the family) in regards to hospitality that might be useful in combating the epidemic of loneliness and isolation. The passage is quoted in full as it is a worthwhile read and consideration:

We must also remember the great number of single persons who, because of the particular circumstances in which they have to live—often not of their choosing—are especially close to Jesus' heart and therefore deserve the special affection and active solicitude of the Church, especially of pastors. Many remain without a human family often due to conditions of poverty. Some live their situation in the spirit of the Beatitudes, serving God and neighbor in exemplary fashion. The doors of homes, the "domestic churches," and of the great family which is the Church must be open to all of them. "No one is without a family in this world: the Church is a home and family for everyone, especially those who 'labor and are heavy laden.

Who are the single people? Widowers, religious, priests, young single people, older single people, confirmed bachelors and bachelorettes, the homebound, the homeless on the street, those who believe they are too old to date and wed, etc.

All of us can do our part to make life less lonely.

If you are married or have plans on getting married, always keep in mind the call to hospitality and exercise it the best way you can in the married life. If a person is single because they are widowed, invite them to share a meal. If they have no nearby family, ask them on a family outing.

While going to work at the food bank, invite your single friend to come along with your family. If you haven't heard from a single friend in a while, call them. Don't make the mistake that some make in believing that single people don't want to be bothered by families. Everyone needs a family.  

We all, both single and married, are called to be the compassion of Christ to each other and are to follow the example of the One who sought out those who society was too proud, scared, or just too busy to reach out to.

When you get married, or if you already are, resolve to invite single persons over to your house when you are able, or with the family, go to them. Not out of pity, but out of love, so that they too can share in the joys of family—even if those joys are not Pinterest perfect.