Sex Is a Very Big Deal

I recently spent some time in a waiting room accidentally eavesdropping on a phone call...

Last week, a car kicked up a stone that cracked my windshield. I was leaving on an extended trip in two days so I needed a quick repair. Thankfully, I found an opening the next day. The only catch was that I would have to drive to the repair center rather than have the technician come to my home. No problem! I was relieved to know the windshield could be fixed before leaving town.

Upon my arrival, the technician told me that I would be waiting about 90 minutes. He escorted me to their modest waiting room. It was a small space, filled with five chairs and one table. Four of the chairs were taken. I filled the remaining seat.

About ten minutes into my wait, one of the other individuals in the room made a phone call. The confined space made it impossible to avoid eavesdropping in on every word that he said. His personal business was about to go public for all of us to hear.

The man talked about an incident that his daughter experienced the night before.

Sparing no details, he described how his 17 year old daughter had experienced physical and sexual abuse at the hand of her boyfriend. He tried to share what he had been told by his daughter calmly but his demeanor was one of controlled rage.

The person on the other end of the phone must have asked something like, "How could you have let your daughter go out with that guy?" because the next part of the conversation veered into the man's life story. He explained that his daughter lived with her mother and current lover. He only saw his baby girl every other weekend. He shared his emotional dislike for the woman he impregnated in high school and how she was an unsuitable mother. He revealed his anger at the courts for giving her rather than him primary custody. He admitted that he was not protecting his daughter like a real father. Then he closed by clearly stating what he wanted to say and do to the boyfriend if he ever saw him.

After a few minutes of listening to his friend, this concerned father made a very profound statement. He said, "You know, I never should have had sex with that woman back in high school. I wasn't ready for all of this."

This insight changed his appearance and the tone of the conversation.

He talked about the military where he learned about self-control, respect, and responsibility. He wished that his parents would have held him to those standards in high school. He lamented the fact that the school he attended talked more about having sex when you think you are ready rather than waiting until you are married. He said that the school lied to him. And then he declared a gut wrenching truth that choked him up.

"Sex is a very big deal. It shouldn't be a casual hook up, because it can create life. Sex deserves a forever commitment."

This comment was followed by a more quiet exchange between he and his friend. Just before he hung up he said, "I have to find a way to show my daughter the reality of sex. She deserves to know the truth from her father because no one else is going to give it to her straight." With that, he hung up.

As I sat in the chair, relieved that the call was over, I realized that experience had been a powerful lesson for this guy.

It gave him a 20/20 view of the nature of sex. He had been on a very long and hard path to get to the truth.

There is a good chance that you are reading this because you are either a) a marriage minister who works for a church or diocese or b) you are someone who is seeking advice about how to find a spouse. In either case, let's learn something from this story so that other's can avoid following the path of this man.

Follow God's plan for love and sexual expression. Yes, it is hard to love like God loves by reserving sexual expression for marriage. But, if you listen to this guy, it is much harder to NOT follow God's plan.

Stop the myth that babies aren't connected to sex. For some reason, people think that use of hormonal birth control completely removes the possibility of conception from sex. This is not true. In fact, the longer you use birth control, the higher the probability that you will conceive. Let's reconnect the two ends of marriage: love and life.

Help parents to teach and expect self-control, respect, and responsibility in their family. These virtues are best taught in the family. The man described above learned this the hard way. What are you doing to instill these values within your home or the homes of those in your care?