Are Your Expectations of Online Dating Realistic?

No matter how long you’ve been on CatholicMatch, whether you’re working the free profile or rocking the paid all-access status, you doubtless had certain initial expectations of how things would go. And, well, maybe some of those expectations were realistic and maybe some were...a stretch, but you’ve felt disappointed all the same when they didn’t pan out.

What are some common, but not terribly realistic, expectations online dating site users might have? 

1. I’m going to meet the love of my life right away
2. I’ll marry the first person I have serious conversations with
3. I’m going to meet lots of people and have oodles of options to choose from
4. I’m going to meet someone who lives close by

1. I’m going to meet the love of my life right away. 

Sure, this story of a couple who met two hours after the husband joined CatholicMatch may be the exception to the rule (and even in this case the wife had been on CM for nine months). And CatholicMatch’s new member spotlight feature certainly aims to connect potential matches sooner rather than later.

In general, though, few people meet their future husband or wife right away. Many success stories involve at least one member of a couple creating a CatholicMatch profile, talking casually to various people for several months or years, and then taking time off for months or years before signing back on and meeting ‘the one.’ In fact, the wife of this couple reported being “on and off CatholicMatch for ten years” before meeting her now-husband!

Certainly, creating a profile for the first time can feel like a big step, one that ought to bring about big results. The name of the game, though, for many CatholicMatch success stories is closer to ‘slow and steady wins the race.’ 

2. I'll marry the first person I have serious conversations with. 

This expectation is a little different from #1 because some people may not sign on expecting to find a spouse right away, but when they find themselves having an in-depth or serious conversation with someone they may understandably assume ‘this is it!’

Again, being on CatholicMatch in the first place implies a shared faith, though every member is certainly on their own journey and there may be significant discrepancies amongst members in terms of agreement with Church teachings. But sometimes laying it all out there in a profile can make people feel closer from the get-go than they actually are because, on paper, they sound compatible. To mitigate this, couples are highly encouraged to meet in person or at least video chat as soon as possible to see whether they have actual chemistry in real life. 

3. I’m going to meet lots of people and have oodles of options to choose from.

Again, the emotional rush of signing up for an online profile is often understandably accompanied by an expectation of meeting many people. And technically, this is often true. New members in particular are likely to receive many messages, emotigrams, profile views (and reactions), etc.

But as many users like this one found out, that doesn’t necessarily equate to meeting a plethora of truly compatible people. Receiving many emotigrams and messages can even lead to stress and overwhelm, particularly as users attempt to navigate the murky waters of online etiquette regarding whether or not to respond to everyone, especially if they’re from someone you’re not interested in.

One way to increase your odds of meaningful connection, prioritizing quality over quantity, as you might say, is being very specific in your profile about the type of person you’re looking for and what your goals are in life. Attention to detail in this area can help profile viewers self-select out (or in!) of contacting you. 

4. I’m going to meet someone who lives close by. 

In my experience writing success stories for couples who met on CatholicMatch, I tend to hear this expectation more coming from men. In their defense, there absolutely are couples who find that they live very close to each other, like this couple who worked in the same building but had never met, or this couple who learned that they attended the same parish!

More likely, though, are stories of unions between couples who dated long-distance, like a Texan and a Floridian, a Californian and a Texan, an Oklahoman and a Kansan, a Montana man and an Ecuadorian woman, a couple living three hours apart from each other in India, or an Ohio man and a woman from the Philippines. While dating long-distance isn’t often people’s first choice, expanding their search radius or removing all distance limits has paid off for many a CatholicMatch success story couple. 

Whatever preconceptions or expectations you may have subconsciously held when you signed up for CatholicMatch, know that you’re certainly not the only one to hope for and want those same things. When you choose to let go of the unrealistic parts, you open yourself up to the truly beautiful things that can come from online dating through a Catholic site. May the best be yet to come!