Clare and CJ’s second date started with a bang.
Literally! She had a car accident on the way to meet him!
Their first date at a Freddy’s burger restaurant had not gone great. It was awkward and Clare was not attracted to him. Even so, she agreed to a second date but now found herself stuck with a damaged car.
Clare called CJ to say she wouldn’t make their date. That’s when everything turned around. She had never been in an auto accident, so CJ calmly walked her through the process over the phone. Then, he offered to pick her up so they could still go on their date.
Later, Clare had to pick up the police report to prove the other driver was at fault, but she couldn't get off work in time. Without Clare asking, CJ offered to pick up the report for her.
“That was the selfless act that changed my mind and started attracting me to him,” says Clare.
They had met a few weeks earlier on CatholicMatch. A teacher, Clare was on Christmas break at her parents’ house when she decided to create an account out of boredom. “It was something I had thought about for some time and just decided to do it since I had free time,” she said.
Clare found it awkward initially. “I mean, there's really no better way to reach out to somebody that you're interested in than by saying, ‘Hey, how's it going?’ That's how a lot of guys reached out to me on CatholicMatch, but I never knew exactly how to respond,” she recounts.
“There were also some guys who would just send smiley face emojis and that was just even more awkward. I didn't respond to those!”
CJ had been on the site sporadically for a few months. The selection of matches seemed smaller than he had imagined. Still, he figured online was a hopeful place to meet a Catholic woman. “It's hard to ask a girl, ‘Hey, which Mass do you go to?’ at a bar!” he laughed. He saw Clare’s profile and contacted her. She had only been on the site for one week.
Both live in San Antonio, Texas, but Clare was out of town for Christmas break. They started texting and talking on the phone. When she came back to town, they met up for their disappointing first date. “I mean, what do you talk about when you meet each other for the first time but you've already gotten all the small talk over with during previous phone calls?” Clare mused. Even so, that first date led to the fateful second date, when CJ impressed her by his unexpected acts of service following her car accident.
They continued seeing each other. Both wanted the same thing: to live their faith authentically, get married, and raise a family. Before long, they were engaged.
Early on, Clare encountered push-back from her family and some friends.
“My family had met CJ only once before we got engaged and I think they were worried that I was rushing things, or they were simply worried because they didn't know CJ super well,” she said. “And some of my close friends had a hard time adjusting to our relationship because we were so different, I think. But our differences were what really made us work!”
As their wedding date approached, Clare's teaching responsibilities made it challenging for her to be in the wedding planning mode. CJ stepped up, researching venues, reaching out to vendors, making phone calls, and getting quotes.
“CJ was the Bridezilla, not me!"
“He went above and beyond." Clare recounts. "I just jumped in on the final decisions and navigated more of the decorations and pretty parts of the wedding.”
They married on June 15, 2019. “I loved the anticipation of getting ready before the wedding,” Clare remembered. “I was super nervous but so excited! My biggest highlight of the day was probably walking down the aisle and seeing CJ for the first time. At that moment, all of my nerves just completely went away and all I could do was smile back at him and lock my eyes on him. It was truly a beautiful moment.”
After the ceremony and taking photos, the newlyweds stopped at a small country bar on their way to the reception. Their photographer took a few pictures and they got to enjoy their first beer together as husband and wife.
At the reception, their cake was “half-pretty/half-Batman” as CJ described it. IHOP catered, providing breakfast for dinner. The playlist featured music from Indiana Jones, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Back to the Future, and The Princess Bride. "Essentially we just had the nerdiest wedding we could think of!” CJ said.
“We DID have a very nerdy wedding,” Clare agreed. “But we also had a really beautiful wedding. I guess it was just a wedding that really reflected our relationship. Classy meets nerdy!"
At the reception, Clare and CJ served the food to their guests . “We wanted to do it just to show everybody how much we appreciated their presence there, but it turned out to be a very practical way to say hi to everybody too,” Clare said. The new bride and groom exited the venue to the theme song from Star Wars.
The initial challenges with Clare’s family and friends are no longer an issue as they have all grown closer now that she and CJ are married. The couple acknowledges the typical growing pains that come with being married. CJ tries to be careful not to let his personal flaws seep into their relationship, and he’s learning patience. At the same time, he is grateful for Clare and how he sees glimpses of God’s love through her, “like the times when she loves me even though I feel totally unworthy of that love.”
Clare is learning that living in communion with another person makes you aware of your failings, as well as the ways in which you are different and particular about certain matters.
“We both joke that we didn't realize what jerks we were until we got married!”
She admits it’s difficult to train yourself to communicate about everything, but it’s imperative. Otherwise little annoyances will turn into big arguments or grievances. She is grateful for CJ’s selflessness and patience.
“It was a process going from me planning our lives to us planning our lives to God planning our lives,” CJ shared.
Shortly after they married, Clare was admitted to the hospital for an unexpected heart condition. They faced several days of uncertainty if everything would be okay. “While she rested in the hospital, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I would do if something happened to her,” CJ said. Fortunately, Clare recovered.
In January 2020, the couple served on a team at a young adult retreat. They received multiple comments from team members and retreatants who said they found hope of finding love in their own lives when they saw Clare and CJ. They looked up to the newlyweds as an example of a Christ-centered marriage.
“We were very humbled by what we saw as simply us living our lives, and humbled to see God working through us in that way,” Clare said.
She also said she falls more in love with CJ as she gets to know him better every day. They enjoy the thrill of starting a whole new life together. It's fun to figure out how they will celebrate holidays, what traditions they'll have, and how they'll update their house. They are thankful for the freedom, through the grace of the sacrament, to make mistakes and forgive each other and grow into better people.
After meeting on CatholicMatch, an awkward first date, a car crash that drew Clare closer to CJ, and overcoming various challenges, the couple is now enjoying another blessing. They are expecting a baby girl in September.
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