Red Flags, Green Flags, and What to Look for When You’re Dating

Will you see a red flag?

I remember when I first took driver’s education, each time I approached the intersection, I got a little bit nervous on the inside because I never knew what the light was going to do. It provoked a little anxiety in me, especially if the light suddenly turned yellow. I had to think fast to decide if it was better to stop or continue through the yellow light.

Sometimes dating and relationships can feel a bit like approaching an intersection. Dating involves the process of getting to know another person better, paying attention to the red and green flags you see, and how best to proceed for yourself.

Getting to know a date is wonderful, it feels new and exciting.

Maybe you feel as if you have conquered the world, or those warm butterfly feelings seem to be with you. Perhaps you daydream a bit about the next time you might see each other.

We are created by God to be in a relationship with each other, we are made for connection. When we date, oxytocin is released into our brains. This helps us to bond and grow closer together. The same chemical is released during sex or when a woman is nursing her baby. Dopamine is also released and helps us to feel happy and elated in the presence of our significant other.

However, sometimes our bodies can trick us where we are not necessarily seeing things clearly. It can take time to figure out and discern what a red flag is, a green flag is, or what to look for in a serious dating relationship. This is what my own list looks like. Yours may be totally different or you may have some similar ones.

Writing something out like this or praying with it in Adoration could be a helpful practice as you go about online dating.

Red Flags:

Unable to Communicate Clearly

Does not Respect Me

Pushes Boundaries

Opposite Values or Morals

Addictive Behaviors

Lying/Dishonesty

Defensive

What are red flags for you when it comes to a dating relationship? What are your own non-negotiables? Why or why not?

Green Flags:

We have fun and laugh together

Similar Morals/Values

Strength of Character

Respects and Honors Me

Knows How to Lead the Relationship

Chemistry/Physical Attraction

Takes Responsibility for Himself

Communicates Well

What are the green flags that are indicators for you to pursue getting to know and date someone? What would you say are the top five or six you would put on your own list? What are the reasons you picked the ones you did?

The most important thing to look for in a serious relationship?

What each man or woman here on CatholicMatch is superficially looking for may differ from person to person. However, at the end of the day, as Catholic people on a Catholic dating site, one reaches far above them all:

Will this man or woman help me become a better version of myself? Will he or she help me become a saint, be more like Jesus, and someday get to Heaven?

We are made for Heaven, which is our one and only true home. Whoever we end up marrying someday is ideally a person who will help us reach Heaven someday. Yes, there are lots of important things to consider in dating and choosing whom to date seriously or someday marry.

You cannot marry or find the perfect partner. Nevertheless, you can find one who will help you become the best version of yourself in accordance with the will of God.