4 Ways to Manage Dating and Single Parenting

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It's always great to receive feedback from readers and hear about what is important to them. Someone asked an excellent question about how to balance dating and single parenting, and I'd like to offer four important ways you can find balance when you feel pulled in so many different directions.

1. Have a prayer routine.

This is what I consider the most important way to find balance in life no matter what your circumstances, but especially for a single person who must fill the roles of both parents. In the Gospel of John 15:5 Jesus offers us the key to having a fruitful, happy life:

"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing."

We know how important it is to remain connected to God, and maintaining consistent conversation with him will be of greatest help to you when you feel overwhelmed by the fact you're doing everything yourself. Knowing God is with you, helping you, is a great consolation. Prayer also brings wisdom in uncertainty and calm when things get out of hand.

How do you fit prayer into an already busy life? Start simple. Commit to 15 minutes in the morning before the kids are awake and spend that time with God. Read the Gospel of the day, say the Rosary, or just have spontaneous conversations with him. It's the best way to begin any day.

Then, pause at noon and say the Angelus or offer a short prayer of thanks. In the evening, take a few moments to examine your conscience and thank God for the day. If you form this habit not only will you find balance in your life, but you'll probably get to the point where you can and want to do more.

2. Have a confidant other than the person you are dating.

This is another critical step to finding balance. In marriage, spouses have each other to share their problems and experiences with. As a single parent, you need that kind of support as well. You may be dating someone you feel comfortable sharing things with but to help keep the balance, I recommend you have someone besides the person you are dating to discuss things with.

Whether you talk to a professional therapist, a spiritual director, or a good friend you can trust, it's good to have someone you can call when things are difficult or you're unsure of which direction to head in, and especially when you have good news to share. You need someone who understands you and can be a confidant and cheerleader.

3. Know when the right time is to introduce your date to your children.

Whether your children are little, teenagers, or adults, you want to make sure the time is right to introduce someone you're dating to them. Introducing someone new, especially to little ones, can have a back-firing effect if they're not ready for it. Your children want to feel safe and secure with you, and introducing a stranger will put them on guard and could reverse a lot of the work you've put in to making your child feel secure after losing his or her parent.

No matter how wonderful your date is or how strong your feelings are for him or her, make sure your children are ready to see you with someone other than your spouse, someone who could become a constant in their lives. After the introduction, make sure you discuss their feelings about the situation one-on-one with them.

4. Make sure you're really available to date.

Here are critical reasons why you need to make sure you're truly available to date someone else:

Reason #1: All marriages are considered to be valid/sacramental unless proven otherwise by the annulment process. If you are a widow or widower, this is not an issue for you. But if you're divorced, this is key. You may have a civil divorce decree and your marriage may be considered dissolved in the eyes of the state, but the Church still considers you married. Only the annulment process can determine whether a valid bond existed between you and your ex-spouse.

Reason #2: There are no shortcuts to healing. Are you using dating and intimacy as a sort of pain reliever? As a way to spite your ex-spouse? If so, this is unhealthy for anyone involved in a relationship and definitely not a step toward a solid, long term relationship. Make sure your heart is ready to be given away.

Reason #3: The wounded heart attaches easily. Trying to form an attachment before the heart is strong and ready for that kind of commitment only compounds the woundedness. That is why so many people go from relationship to relationship without ever finding that peace and fulfillment they seek.

Being a single parent is not easy, and trying to please everyone all the time is impossible. By making sure your spiritual connection with God is strong first and foremost, then following the other recommendations, I believe you will find happiness and a healthy balance in your life.

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