Seniors, Here's What You Need to Know Before Trying CatholicMatch

Diving into the online dating world through CatholicMatch may be one of the bravest things I have ever done. It took courage to jump back into the dating merry-go-round. And, as a 65-year-old, overweight, balding senior male, I wasn’t sure I had enough bravado to do it.

Summoning up the courage, I dipped my pinky toe into the thrilling waters of CatholicMatch.

And my life was never the same.

My initial reactions were positive:

1. I was impressed with the significant number of people who had joined the site. 

2. The profiles varied in detail, from lengthy narratives to pithy statements. The Goldilocks syndrome was all too apparent—some shared too much, some too little, and some were just right.

3. Many profiles did not have any good pictures. I found that frustrating. Okay, ladies, you have a fascinating profile, but please post at least one clear picture! Then there were others who posted a photo album worth of visuals from youth to the present day. I settled on 3-7 photos as a reasonable target.

4. I had to chuckle when I first joined and started receiving emoticons from ladies. Initially, I was taken aback by the boldness of it. After all, I am a senior male, and my etiquette radar needed some modern-day tweaking. I soon realized it was just a simple and convenient way to say hello. Frankly, it helped to initiate conversations. I eventually got used to the feminine audacity of initiating contact and grew grateful for their initiative.

5. While I think the spirit of the CM philosophy is that people endeavor to get to know one another to pursue a romantic relationship, I had a few “conversations” with some whose focus was simply friendship. I recall a lady in Spain and another in Dallas who freely admitted they were not relocating and knew I wasn’t either. Yet, we still engaged in a dialogue to encourage one another. In one lady’s case, we both shared our grief experiences.  

My approach and responses evolved as I learned how to navigate and what to expect from the CM website.

As a widower, I admit when I first joined CM, I limited my search criteria to widows in the 55-65 age range (I was 65 at the time) and only within 60 miles. I assumed that widows shared a common experience with me and would have less baggage, for lack of a better term. I soon realized that everyone has baggage. We are who we are, and our life journey brought us to where we are. No matter whether we were never married, divorced, or widowed. 

So, my search criteria began to expand. While widows may have had a shared experience, I chose to allow the Lord to lead me without preemptively closing any doors. 

The age range widened as well. I met attractive and graceful ladies older than me and a few who were much younger and had no problem dating someone 10-15 years older. 

Finally, while my search area was within driving distance of metro Atlanta, I came across several ladies from all over the country willing to relocate. In other words, I became open to broader criteria. My point is, for me at least, I started with one set of expectations but allowed myself to broaden those expectations.

Discerning my Internet Dating Protocol?

When I first joined CM, I immediately started questioning myself on several issues.

• Do I respond to every emoticon?
• How soon should I invite her to meet face-to-face?
• Should I focus only on widows?
• Do I even consider divorcees? Annulments?
• How many “dialogues” should I conduct at the same time?
• Am I okay remaining single?

The list continued to grow.  

So I developed my own set of criteria/guidelines to follow.

1. I purposed to respond to every email, even if it was only to politely say I was not interested.
2. I avoided becoming obsessive about answering an email/question right away. Taking a day or two or more, if necessary, to respond, I refused to allow this technology to rule my life. Likewise, I did not read anything into responses that came immediately vs. several days later. Of course, no response whatsoever sent a definitive signal.
3. I sought to be transparent about myself and open to discussing any question about anything. I reasoned I might as well discover one’s quirks and idiosyncrasies early on. Likewise, I allowed either party to say “Pass" if any question proved too personal or one preferred not to answer.
4. If I was only in the “dialogue” phase, I was comfortable having more than one going on simultaneously. But more than 2-3 concurrent dialogues proved challenging to manage and seemed disrespectful to the persons and the process. Rather than ignore an inquiry or “wink,” I politely advised the inquisitor that I was currently dialoguing with someone and wanted to allow that conversation to run its course before initiating any others. However, once I started dating someone, I found it awkward to be dialoguing with others. But that was just me. The bottom line—let respect, courtesy, and transparency guide your decisions.
5. Once I realized the online dialogue would not go beyond the mutual respect and acquaintance stage, I acknowledged it, hopefully allowing both parties to move on. However, I must confess I viewed every dialogue as an opportunity to encourage one another while growing in discernment about the kind of woman I sought. 
6. Be cautious about giving out too much personal information early (especially an address). At some point, communicating via private email or phone may be an appropriate next step.
7. As I got to know someone through dialogue, the next obvious step was to meet face-to-face. Rather than ask her out on a date, I preferred to select a public place, a very casual environment, for the first meeting. We would have coffee or tea and get better acquainted.

The key for me was maintaining a positive but realistic approach to dating.

My attitude was that I did not have to be married again to be happy. Happiness is a fleeting emotion, and I preferred to focus on contentment, which for me, reflected a more profound spiritual perspective. My prayer was simple, “Lord, if you want me to be single for the rest of my life, I am okay with it. You blessed me with a great 38-year marriage, five wonderful children, and a horde of delightful grandchildren. My contentment is in You!”  

That perspective freed me up to enjoy the dating experience without any sense of success or failure if nothing came of it, all while keeping my heart open to possibilities. 

For me, the approach worked as I met someone 11 months after joining CatholicMatch. She was younger than me, a divorcee who had her marriage annulled, and yes, she lived 120 miles away. 

I am married today because I expanded my search criteria and became open to greater possibilities. I took the risk. And it was worth it.