Love Lessons From a Detective

If, like me, you are a fan of detective fiction you are no doubt familiar with Lord Peter Wimsey, the aristocratic sleuth of Dorothy Sayers who, with his unlimited funds, his constant literary allusions, and his indispensable man, Bunter, pursues his hobby of criminal investigation up and down interwar England.

If you haven’t had the pleasure of meeting Lord Peter yet, and have any turn for detective fiction at all, do yourself a favor and track down Whose Body, his introductory novel.

Why take advice from Lord Peter? The character is remarkably human.

Rare among the great detectives of fiction, Lord Peter actually ages in real time and subtly develops from one book to the next (unlike his contemporary, Hercule Poirot, who remained about retirement age from the 1920s to the 1970s). In particular, we watch Peter, who starts the series lately disappointed in romance, falling in love with, pursuing, and finally marrying a mystery writer named Harriet Vane (who bears not a little resemblance to her creator).

Their romance, proceeding over the course of several books before ending in marriage and a honeymoon where they find a corpse in the cellar (really, that was inevitable, right?), provides several interesting object lessons in selecting, pursuing, and adjusting to your future spouse.

His advice? Firstly, seek someone with intellectual compatibility to you.

Harriet, as the books describe her, is not beautiful. She is said to be ‘striking looking,’ but not what one would call pretty. There’s even a scene where, after they are married, Peter forces himself to look at her objectively and acknowledge that she is a rather plain woman by any objective standard.

But what primarily attracts him to her, so that he would be satisfied with no one else, is that she is one of the few people in the empire with a mind just as agile, clever, and stocked with literary extracts as his own.

A mildly eccentric genius, Lord Peter very rarely meets anyone who can keep up with him intellectually, or possess a compatible frame of mind to his own. Harriet, however, is able to match him almost beat for beat even from their first conversation.

In short, Peter and Harriet can understand each other with relative ease. They have a similar turn of mind, similar tastes, and are on a similar intellectual level. Peter is, perhaps, the more brilliant of the two, though Harriet is arguably the more sensible, but they are close enough in temperament and intellect that their minds can act in harmony.

Beauty is an excellent thing, but by far the most important aspect of any relationship, and especially a romantic one, is intellectual compatibility.

Secondly, share deep mutual respect for each other.

Accompanying this is the fact that Peter and Harriet both respect each other’s abilities and virtues. When, in Busman’s Honeymoon, they have an argument over the case, Harriet reflects that Peter would never accept an answer of the “whatever you think is right” variety: he wants her to agree with him rationally or rationally disagree. Peter knows how intelligent and strong-willed she is and wouldn’t stand for her compromising those virtues for his sake. Similarly, Harriet respects Peter’s devotion to duty (well hidden under his flippant manner) and the idea of his sacrificing that for her sake is abhorrent to her.

The result is that, when they have disagreements, they fight them out rationally and don’t resort to either emotional appeals or shallow expressions of devotion. They both know that they can trust the other to say and do what they think is right.

In a relationship, you will probably find yourself, sooner or later, in a position where you disagree, not about something trivial, but about a vitally important matter, perhaps even a matter of right and wrong. Then there is the choice: are you willing that the other person should compromise their honor for your sake, or are you willing to fight it ought rationally, with the pain it may involve?

Lastly, commit to a good thing when you find it.

Lord Peter meets Harriet when she is on trial for murder. He asks her to marry him in their very first conversation in the prison interview room. She, naturally, turns him down, and continues to do so over the next five years after he proves her innocence and continues to pursue her with a genial, but dogged determination.

Simply put, he’s found what he wants and doesn’t intend to let it slip through his fingers. He flatly states that he’ll “have the right wife or none,” and this despite both family pressure (heirs to the family name are growing scarce) and Harriet’s own intransigence. So he persistently pursues her through five years of disappointment, rejection, and intermittent murders, until she at last gives in and agrees to marry him.

Obviously this point needs a little more prudence than the others, but when you find the right person you mustn’t be too quick to give up the chase. Respect a woman’s wishes, but if you honestly think she’s the one don’t be afraid to keep pursuing her. It is precisely that commitment, that determination to see the thing through, that makes a relationship work.

Lest you think such radical commitment only works in books, when Miss Sayers’s older contemporary and fellow author Hillaire Belloc learned that the woman he loved intended to become a nun, he walked from the Midwest to California to convince her to marry him instead. Needless to say, it worked.

Finding someone whose mind matches your own can be a very difficult and rare occurrence. When it happens, don’t let the chance pass you by.