How To Prioritize Your Relationship When Life Won’t Let You

25

At times, life may throw you a curveball.

The Thursday after I got engaged, I took my mom to the ER, was in a minor car accident, and almost got fired from my job. All before 10:00 in the morning.

My sister and her new husband spent the first few months of marriage living with family members and trying to find work. Both were unemployed for weeks.

After forty years of marriage, my Godmother found out her husband had leukemia. A year later, she found out their son had leukemia, too.

Boy, this post is a real downer, isn’t it? Don’t worry, it gets better.

You’ve probably had one of those seasons in life where everything seems chaotic, messy, and way too stressful.

This could be for innumerable reasons! College and grad school. Busy careers. Sudden unemployment. Single parenting. Health scares. Caring for aging parents. Cross country moves. Sometimes a bunch of these things happen all at once, and your organized, calm life turns into an amusement park for apes. It’s almost crazy, right?

And then you add dating into the mix. “Almost crazy” turns into “where’s the nearest insane asylum?!” You’re trying to date around, but no one is willing to put up with your insane schedule. Or, you and your sweetie are having trouble moving past the “going steady” phase, what with the sudden life turbulence. Or, you’re engaged or married, but you are beginning to despair ever having “date night” again!

Is it time to throw in the towel, throw your hands in the air, and possibly throw some empty pottery at a brick wall? (Therapeutic destruction, right?)

Nope. Hold on to your hats and your pottery, because there are five basic tips to make romance a steady, calm rock during all the upheaval. If you find yourself unexpectedly riding the rapids of life, try these out!

1. Remember: the craziness is temporary.

This too shall pass! You will not be stuck forever in a tug-of-war between demands, with an overflowing schedule and a clock that moves too fast. Yes, there will be other crazy times, especially if you have kids or are caring for a parent, but there will also be calm times.

Weather the storm with patience, and just take it one day at a time. Each day you get through is one day closer to a calmer time. Remembering to have patience during this time goes a long way in protecting your relationships.

2. Nurturing a relationship doesn't have to take hours.

A simple text message, a five minute phone call, or one Our Father shared with your sweetie can keep you two connected, even when you have so many demands on your time. If you’re looking to fit in a tiny phone call, try calling each other over lunch at work, while you’re walking across campus to your next class, or while the kids are brushing their teeth.

Even if all you do is end up trading voicemails back and forth, hearing your loved one’s voice for just a couple minutes maintains your connection.

3. Change your definition of “date.”

If you’re used to driving an hour to someone’s house, or having a whole Saturday together, or seeing each other multiple times a week, you will see how those standards are unrealistic during the crazy (but temporary) seasons of life. Maybe you only get one in-person date night per month. That’s okay. Work to make other things into a creative date.

Try doing a Skype session, so neither of you drives too long or too late. If you and your partner are on opposite schedules, start your own little book study together and trade thoughts over email. Think outside of the box, and look for little pockets of time you can devote to a unique “date.”

4. Multi-task together.

This is similar to the changing your definition of date. So you can’t find time for a date this week, but somehow the grocery shopping has to get done. Make that your date! (This is especially helpful if kids are involved, because hey, babysitting help.) You can spend time together while checking off boxes on the to-do list. Laundry to do? Dinner to make? Visiting your mom at the hospital? Moving house? Job applications? Do the thing together.

College kids do this all the time; my fiancé was in grad school throughout our entire relationship, and many of our dates entailed turning in homework or studying for his tests.

Embrace the mentality of “it doesn’t matter what we’re doing, as long as we’re doing it together.” Nobody wants a relationship to play second fiddle all the time, but this mantra is bearable and helps with the crazy phases of life.

5. Pray.

I know everything seems out of control. I know the sudden unemployment left you with zero plans. I know you’re at the end of your rope with the toddler tantrums. I know the doctor appointments are scary. I know you’re at your wits’ end. Everybody goes through harsh, chaotic, and frightening times. What gets us through it? Certainly not ourselves.

God pulls us through. Be persistent in your prayers, do your best to trust Him, and in all that, lean on the shoulders that are offered to you. That might be family, friends, or your romantic partner. It also might be that little old lady at church you didn’t know before now, the stranger who reaches out to you in the parking lot, or the doctor who listens. They’re all God’s work in disguise—He’s providing for you through the hands of others.

Remember, this too shall pass.

Peace and calm will return to your life, even if not in the way you expected. Romance can be challenging, almost impossible, to keep up during these times. But think about it: someone who will weather the storm alongside you, praying for you and with you, and who brings a smile to your tired and worn face, is worth keeping around. You’ll play that role for a spouse, too, so learn how to work together and lean on God. He will not fail you.

Find Your Forever.

CatholicMatch is the largest and most trusted
Catholic dating site in the world.

Get Started for Free!CatholicMatch
— This article has been read 1197 times —