Distance usually feels the longest during the holiday season.
You so desperately want to hold your girlfriend’s hand, kiss your fiancé under the mistletoe, or just swap presents in person instead of mailing them yet again. What’s a long-distance couple to do during the most wonderful time of the year?! Look no further than this guide, and you will have a successful season of romance in front of you.
If you’re just getting to know each other:
Take it pretty easy at this point. Overdoing presents, video chats, or holiday pictures can come across as rushed and put too much pressure on your fledgling connection. Instead, limit your Christmas spirit to sharing your family picture in front of the tree, a nice card, or even a small but thoughtful gift in the mail.
Do NOT book a surprise flight, propose, or make any really big decisions together over video chat at this time. The approaching new year, the joy of the holidays, or even a hint of “cuffing season sickness” can cloud your judgment a little bit. Save those really big decisions like “are we exclusive?” for January.
Instead, treat your online acquaintances or first dates as if it were any other time of winter! You can absolutely still do video dates, as long as you keep them simple. That means practicing some good conversation, getting to know each other, and focusing on whether you enjoy the other person’s company. Say no to doing festive activities like cookie baking, decorating, or presents over video!
Keeping things chill will simplify things, prevent either of you from over-investing, and set you up for a better pace if you keep seeing each other beyond the season.
If you are exclusively dating:
Get creative! A Christmas scavenger hunt might be a fantastic way to share the holiday joy with your sweetheart. Write out a list, mail it to them, and start a text thread to swap pictures and cross the items off the list. Or, you could do a hot chocolate video date outdoors—this is especially fun if you live in different climates, and can see what the other person’s natural world looks like.
Mail your presents to each other, and feel free to open them together over video chat. Or if you’re in different time zones, video tape yourselves opening them and share that. Make a Christmas craft together and mail them to each other. Challenge each other to a snowman contest, or a cookie baking contest, or literally anything else holiday themed.
What you should avoid is bemoaning how you can’t be together. Sure, you can complain once in a while and tell the other person how much you miss them. But focusing all of your conversations on the hardship of being apart will not only put you on the naughty list, but it will also put a damper on the relationship itself. Keeping a positive attitude will go a long way to creating happy memories!
One final tip regards breaking up. Much like you should avoid big decisions in the early stage of dating, it might be worthwhile to do the same here. If you know for sure that you would like to end the relationship at this point, by all means do so. But if you can’t pinpoint exactly why you want to break up, it might be worthwhile to wait until the holidays are over to make this decision. It’s better to be a little late with a breakup than to jump the gun because of holiday stressors.
If you are engaged and beyond:
Now is a good time to try really hard to see each other at least once in the season. It’s also a good time to start navigating extended family traditions. Even if you can’t be there in person, you might try video chatting here and there, or swapping pictures and videos of your respective celebrations. If nothing else, have some detailed conversations together about your family holidays, your traditions, and your hopes and expectations for your future holidays as a married couple.
Make a priorities list for your newlywed holidays: whose side does what, and when? Where do you two want to be on Christmas Day? What about Masses? How about just-you-two time? It’s especially important to consider what future travel might look like, if you plan on spending future holidays with family far away. Making this priorities list now will set you up for success down the road. You can both be on the same page of what’s important to you as a couple, which is great when scheduling conflicts and multiple Christmas parties come up.
An important part of being engaged long-distance is to take a break from the wedding planning. At least for a few days, work really hard to ignore the wedding talk! You need to connect with each other during this amazing holiday, and enjoy thinking about your future holidays together as a family. Trust me; my wedding was scheduled just a couple of weeks after Christmas (I didn’t actually make it to my own wedding though). It was well worth setting aside planning to prioritize sacred holidays. My fiancé and I felt like we got a breather from all the organizing, and simply got to enjoy the Christmas season instead!
Long distance relationships can be really lonely over the holidays.
You want to be together more than ever, but more often than not, you can’t. Don’t despair! The Christmas season doesn’t last forever, and you will get the chance to travel and see each other again. Think of it this way: if you’re doing long-distance dating the right way, you have a limited amount of separate holidays ahead of you. If the person far away from you is truly meant for you, pretty soon, you’ll be kissing under the mistletoe every single year.
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