5 Things I Wish I Had Done in My Single 20s

Do you ever look back on the life you have lived so far and wish you could go back and tweak some things?

Make a few edits? Perhaps you would have liked to change some things from the past in ways that are more radical.

In a recent spiritual direction appointment, I sighed deeply and said, “Gosh I wish all the insights and hard lessons I have learned in my thirties, I had learned in my twenties.”

She chuckled and smiling said, “But you know them now Patty, and knowledge is always power…no matterwhen we learn it.”

I wish sometimes I could change certain elements of how my life story has played out. Nevertheless, deep down, I know my spiritual guide was right. Now I know what I would have done differently in my twenties.

When we know better, we do better as we age and mature.

People often say that hindsight is 20/20 and they are right. If I were able to go back and tell my twenty-something-year-old, single self on how to spend these years, here is what I would say to her:

1.) I wish I had gone to counseling sooner.

I had been going to counseling off and on towards the end of high school and in early college. Looking back, it felt like we never really accomplished anything. I did not learn tools to help me work on the core issues that kept bringing me back to the office of my therapist. It was not until my thirties that I got into counseling again, but this time I was doing the deep soul work that slowly began to change me from the inside out.

I was able to name and work through wounds of my childhood. For the first time in my life, I acknowledged an experience of sexual assault as a high school girl that I never told anyone. I learned practical tools to help me name my feelings and emotions and work through them in healthy ways.

The sooner you are able to go to counseling to do your own healing work the better. All of us can benefit from doing this work.

2.) I wish I knew my fulfillment was not in a man.

This is one of the greatest lessons I have learned, sometimes at a painful cost. It is embarrassing to admit this now, but on some level when I got married the first time, I said yes to the first man that asked me. Looking back I so badly wanted to be loved, and that sense clouded my better judgment and personal discernment.

Fast forward to the present. I am almost 34 and single, but this time it is different. Now I know my worth and fulfillment are not found in my relationship status. Those things are found first in my identity as a daughter of the King.

3.) I wish I had gone on more dates.

I did go on a few dates here and there, but not enough to learn about myself or how to date well. I wasted too much time on romanticizing dating or dreaming these silly, idealistic scenarios. Because I was not very self-confident or self-aware, it led to poor choices or pretending to be someone that did not even resemble me.

Dating should be a healthy opportunity to learn about yourself and other people. I wish I had spent more time dating and less time romanticizing relationships.

4.) I wish I spent more time nurturing friendships.

I wish I spent more time with guy friends as a safe way to learn how to be around men. I wish I spent more time traveling and doing fun activities with my girlfriends.

In my twenties, my focus was on getting married to the “perfect” Catholic guy. Because I was living for a future dream, I was never content or at peace in the present season. I lived for the future. Take the time to nurture your friendships, be the best friend you can be.

5.) I wish I had learned how to love myself as I am.

I am sure we could all be a little bit more loving and kind to ourselves. But goodness, I wish I had started sooner. In my twenties, I was insecure, emotionally needy, and did not really love myself the way I was. Looking back, my inability to see the truth of these things caused me more pain and hurt.

Now I know I am enough, that I am loved and worthy, and that I do not have to change to be loved by another person. Those are priceless gifts I desire for all of us to believe. I am grateful that now I know these things.

If you could go back, what are things you wish you had donedifferently in your twenties? What pieces of advice would you now give yourformer self?