Don't Underestimate the Power of a Message

Sometimes, it just takes a little bit of dialogue.

When my adult daughter set up her older brother to meet her friend, Claire, little did I know that their dating experience would become a life lesson for me!

Work commitments delayed him from asking Claire out on a date for eight weeks. Responding to his sister’s email introducing them to each other, he apologized profusely and offered to connect via email until he was able to make the two-hour drive to officially meet her. 

Surprisingly, she agreed.

They both felt more comfortable emailing, asking general questions of one another, questions which deepened over the eight weeks. He discovered her favorite restaurant was Waffle House (it’s a Southern thing) and her poodle, Cotton, was finicky about who she warmed up to. When they finally met after two months of emails, they both felt like they knew each other, as all of the superficial questions had been asked and answered. 

Their initial face-to-face meeting sounded more like old friends catching up. He came prepared with Cotton’s favorite dog biscuits in his pocket, and their first date found them enjoying what else, but the best of Waffle House. Two years and a wedding later, the family joked that Claire married him in spite of the Waffle House first date. Claire continues to joke that he had her at the hash browns. 

When I joined CatholicMatch a few years later, I struggled to determine my approach.

Should I respond to every “flirt”? How long should we dialogue before talking on the phone or meeting face-to-face? How and where should the first face-to-face meeting take place? I had more questions than answers. Recalling my son’s positive experience with his now-wife of six years, it occurred to me NOT to skip the dialogue dance of exchanging messages at first.  

After reviewing a CatholicMatch profile, I would first determine if I had any interest in finding out more about this lady who took a brave step by contacting me. Polite, respectful questions started each exchange. For me, whether verbal or written, every conversation was an opportunity to get to know another person created in the image of God. 

Often, we both realized the relationship wasn’t going to take a romantic turn, yet we continued to talk as we found encouragement from a new friend. Of course, there were several moments when the personalities didn’t jive, and we both agreed that we should move on. Regardless, these initial conversations formed the foundation for making better decisions about which relationships to pursue.

Being a widower, some conversations had more of a healing purpose than a romantic one.

I recalled being messaged by a widow in Spain. She noticed that I too had experienced a similar loss. Our message exchanges lasted several weeks. We both knew there was never a possibility of us meeting, as neither of us planned to cross the pond. However, she and I both found it safe to share our grief and encourage one another. That experience alone was worth the cost of joining CatholicMatch!

For men, who are generally not known for expressing their feelings, messaging offers us a safe medium to think through what we want to say, edit it, erase it, delete it, or start over again. Words matter and men find it easier (women too, I think) to express their deepest feelings in writing rather than in verbal conversations, especially early in a relationship.

When my future wife, Patrice, sent me her first “Hi there!” note, my initial reaction was mixed.

But, her profile was fascinating. It beckoned me to know more. We chatted via CatholicMatch for a few weeks before finally engaging in our first phone call.  

When we married a year later, we both reflected on those first few weeks of correspondence. In our case, we both agreed that those online conversations made our later face-to-face meeting more meaningful and productive, eerily similar to my son’s experience. After we were married, Patrice even confessed to missing our e-correspondence as it was something she looked forward to at the end of each workday.

Now retired, we both spend most of each day with each other but still delight in texting one another. When I go to the grocery store, she may text me an addition to the grocery list and a hint of romance. I may text her when I am out of town, reminding her of how much I miss her and look forward to seeing her soon. These endearing texts are a legacy of our email correspondence from the first few weeks on CatholicMatch.

Corresponding via messaging does run the risk of developing strong impressions before meeting face-to-face.

But don’t take these written dialogues for granted. Listen, learn and discern. When you do meet that special someone, these initial dialogues improve the likelihood of a more positive face-to-face session.

A date to Waffle House is, of course, optional.