Your Questions About Dating as an Older Catholic Single Answered!

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Thank you for tuning in to the latest CatholicMatch Live!

As promised, here are the answers to your questions about dating as an older Catholic single that we were unable to answer live on our most recent episode of CatholicMatch Live.

Again, we’d like to thank everyone for submitting so many thoughtful questions! I hope this episode of CatholicMatch Live was helpful to you and we look forward to seeing you at our next live session!

Thank you again, Julieanne, for being such a great guest and for providing us with so many thoughtful pieces of advice!

Q & A with Julieanne Bartlet from Passion of Hope:

Do you have any advice for older singles during this pandemic with the stay at home orders?

I know the pandemic and associated stay at home orders have been difficult for everyone. I believe the CatholicMatch Institute has some great posts regarding this subject. I encourage you to check them out. 

I am 61 years old, still not married, still hoping to at least find a girlfriend who will end up being my wife. I do a whole lot to "get myself out there": meetups, singles groups, I am active on CatholicMatch, I attend all CatholicMatch Live sessions, etc. What else can I do?

Do not give up. You are doing all the right things. This is where faith comes in. I do not know how long you may need to plug away at what you are doing. Only God does. I encourage you to keep fortifying your faith about how much God loves marriage and how much he wants to help you get to marriage. I also encourage a robust rosary campaign.

I would also ask yourself the following questions or consider expanding in these areas if you have not done so already: how many women have you contacted via CatholicMatch? Are you willing to date outside of your local area/state? Have you asked any of the women out from the singles group or to introduce you to anyone they know? Same for the meetups you attend. This would extend your “reach” in getting yourself out there.

After a failed marriage, I would like to pursue again marriage and family. Speaking with my priest whom I have known for over 25 years, he encouraged me to try to remarry. What suggestions do you offer in trying to find a person I can trust, fall in love with, marry, and have children with?

First, I commend you for wanting to try rather than just giving up! Also, I would recommend all the suggestions mentioned in other answers as possible opportunities for meeting people: CatholicMatch, singles groups, meetups, church, bible studies, volunteer activities, etc. 

What happens when you are in love with a friend who is not looking for marriage? Should I be honest and end it? I will mourn the loss of the friend.

These situations are always hard emotionally. Also, there are a lot of unknowns to your situation that make it a bit tricky to answer your question. 

Are you dating your friend who is not looking for marriage? If you are, what is your own desire/goal? If it is ultimately marriage, you may be prolonging the inevitable by continuing the dating relationship. If you are not dating your friend, is it possible to move beyond your feelings? If so, I see no reason to disclose them and end your friendship. 

The biggest struggle for me is letting go of the idea/dream of having a husband and having kids. Due to my age (I am 44), the chance to have kids is slim. How to find your purpose if children are not in your future?

I affirm your idea/dream/hope of having a husband. I genuinely believe that we can miss marriage by not seeking God and his help to get married. Hold onto your hope! 

I hear you about the children issue. I married at 42 and my husband and I consulted with an NFP/Creighton (Catholic) doctor to pursue having a baby. Due to some medical issues I had, we were not able to have a baby (unless I went outside of Church teaching, which I was not willing to do). 

I was extremely disappointed by the loss of being able to have a child. I came to realize that infertility was not an issue I had because I married later in life. This is an issue that people struggle with regardless of the age they marry. My husband and I, like many of those folks, have become more open to building our family in an alternative way.   

I am 62 years young and never married. I was engaged one time but it did not work out. I know God has plans but I would like to find someone. Is being 62 too old to find someone because I am so set in my ways?

Absolutely not. People used to say that to me when I was in my mid-thirties as a reason why I was not married. I think we can all always grow and try new things, etc. I would encourage you to keep putting yourself out there and to begin a robust rosary campaign

Again, I affirm your idea/dream/hope of having a husband. I genuinely believe that we can miss marriage by not seeking God and his help to get married. Hold onto your hope!

Do you have help for widowed people to meet each other?

I probably need a bit more information to assist with answering your question. If you are looking to meet only widowed people, I recommend filtering your search on CatholicMatch for people that state they are widowed. I also would contact your local Diocese and ask if they have a group for widowed people (it may also include separated and divorced folks as well). Another avenue to possibly pursue would be meetups. The CatholicMatch Institute also has some helpful resources.  

I always have issues with men either not seeking marriage and just wanting to date and have fun. Many men have no commitments even on a Catholic dating site, or some who say they have all the same values but then don’t really follow them. What tips do you have to clarify this early on to save unnecessary emotional investment?

I recommended coming up with a short but polite answer that you feel comfortable sharing with people. It could be as simple as “I really appreciate that you care about me” or “It’s important to me that we be able to go to church together” and change the conversation to a different subject. 

Regarding the scenario you detailed, I encountered the same situations you described. I believe most older men and women will struggle with these or similar situations if they are going to put themselves out there. I had to learn good dating practices and boundaries. It was not easy nor pain-free. If I wanted to get to marriage, I had to learn how to do it. 

I plan to write a blog post on my website soon regarding dating tips. Please check back in mid-September at www.passionofhope.com for additional tips.     

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