How to Find Healing and Growth After a Bad Breakup

If you are currently going through a breakup, I understand your pain. 

I know the loneliness you feel, the worry that you may have missed your chance, and the overwhelming fear that you very well may end up alone. I was in that exact same spot two years ago following my own breakup. I have felt those exact same feelings, and I have had to battle all of those fears. 

Know this, it will get better. You will heal and you will end up grateful, yes, grateful, for the breakup if you surrender it all to God. Today, I find myself single once again, yet spiritually stronger and more mature. The Lord truly can use your breakup to help you grow and here’s how to be open to it...

God doesn’t just want to glue your heart back together—He is offering you a new one.

Use this time to grow closer to Him by diving into Scripture. 

Following a breakup, your heart may be severely bruised and the best remedy is to read words of encouragement and love from the One and only being that knows you better than you know yourself—God. The scriptures are His love letters to you. One of the best ways to read the Bible is to do so with an educated guide.

Two studies that helped me through my breakup were Father Mike Schmitz The Bible in a Year podcast, which I listened to on my way to work, and Grounded in Hope: A Study of the Letter to the Hebrews by Lisa Brenninkmeyer. 

Trust that if this relationship fell apart, God has something or someone better in mind for you. 

Use this time to get to know each person of the Trinity better. 

Most of us feel most comfortable communicating with one or two of the Divine Persons. For me, I never really had developed a relationship with the third Person of the Trinity, the Holy Spirit. Upon reflection, I realized that if I really wanted to know God’s will for my life, I needed to know Him better. I started praying to the Holy Spirit and asking for His guidance. We should be calling on the Holy Spirit often in our search for a spouse.

A breakup can be the catalyst for tremendous spiritual and personal growth. 

Use this time to work on yourself—spiritually, mentally, and physically—by surrendering your desires to the Lord. 

That’s a tough word, surrender. It came to me through prayer not long after my breakup and it’s something that I have wrestled with since then. God wants to heal you, but He’s not going to do so without your cooperation. The hurt from a breakup can lead to bitterness and fear of the future. Neither of which is going to help you to grow. Work on surrendering your desires to God through prayer and action. 

If you haven’t made a habit of praying the rosary, do so. The joyful and glorious mysteries, in particular, will remind you to have hope. The Divine Mercy Chaplet is also a wonderful tool to draw you closer to Christ—to remember that He suffered and experienced pain and rejection just like you. These prayers can be said while walking, running, or exercising, and believe me—you will need to incorporate something physical into your routine. 

You are an embodied spirit. This means part of the healing process is going to be physical. I used Couch to 5K, an app that honestly helped me work through a lot of negative emotions in a healthy manner. It also gave me the space to really reflect on my past relationship with the Lord while appreciating the natural world that He created for me.

Lastly, I would suggest taking the opportunity to find a good spiritual director. 

I have found this to be especially helpful in the healing and growth process. Your parish priest should be able to help with this and if not, then he will be able to point you in the direction of someone who can. Whether or not you ever end up getting married, the Lord does not intend for you to live your life in isolation. Allow Him to put people in your path that can help you to grow.