The Addiction to Comparison
23
Comparison finds us at an early age.
When we were freshmen in high school, my buddies and I were in awe of a senior named Tom. We called him “Life” because he embodied everything we wanted to be. He was tall, muscular, handsome, and a swim team star. He got all the girls. “Life” was a mythic figure in our minds. Who were we in comparison? Scrawny little nobodies struggling for popularity.
This obsession with comparing ourselves to others follows us into adult life.
Sometimes it’s about our career. We envy someone who has a job we want and we feel like we deserve. Or it’s about romantic relationships. We wish we were taller, thinner, funnier, or more confident. Certain other people seem to have those qualities we desire.
Or it’s about family life. Why does my coworker seem to have an amazing spouse when I’m still single or in a difficult marriage? Why do they have three kids when we can’t get pregnant? We compare.
In the movie Nacho Libre, Jack Black plays Ignacio, a monk who’s discontented with his life in the monastery. He longs to be a professional wrestler. He admires their strength, fame, and worldly goods. In one scene, Ignacio comically tries to explain how happy he is:
“I know that the wrestlers get all the fancy ladies, the clothes, the free creams, and lotions, but my life is good: really good. I get to wake up every morning at five a.m. and make some soup! It's the best! I love it. I get to lay in a bed by myself, all of my life. It's fantastic.”
Of course, he is miserable. Ignacio is comparing and despairing.
Why does the grass always seem greener?
I have struggled with comparing myself to others and their blessings too. But I have also found the solution to avoiding comparing and despairing. It is to be aware of the blessings we do have and to cultivate contentment.
In Philippians 4:11-13, Saint Paul says:
“I have learned, in whatever situation I find myself, to be self-sufficient. I know indeed how to live in humble circumstances; I know also how to live with abundance. In every circumstance and in all things I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of living in abundance and of being in need. I have the strength for everything through him who empowers me.”
We find our strength and contentment in Christ. When we grow closer to him and realize how much he has blessed us, we tend to compare less. We get more content with what we have and who we are. Our inner peace grows.
Comparing, on the other hand, robs us of our peace. As human beings, comparing is natural, of course. But when we compare, we are often tempted to despair. “A tranquil mind gives life to the body, but jealousy rots the bones” (Proverbs 14:30).
What good does comparing do us? It’s a futile exercise. It cannot change anything.
It’s also helpful to remember that chances are someone else is comparing themselves to you. They’d kill to have what you do. Your job. Your health. Your money. Your relationships.
When you are tempted to compare and despair, submit your envies and longings to God. Ask Him to show you who you really are as His beloved child. Count your blessings and realize it could be much worse, and it is for many people. Give thanks for how green your grass is, and pray for those less fortunate.
When I was younger, we used to sing the old hymn “Count Your Blessings” in church. The lyrics may sound simplistic, but they are good advice:
When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high
In Nacho Libre — (spoiler alert!) — Ignacio flees the monastery and achieves his dream of wrestling glory. But then he returns. At the end, he takes a group of orphans on a field trip, smiling and content, enjoying the unique blessings that were his all along. To be happy, he doesn’t have to be a famous luchador. He just has to be Ignacio.
Sometimes I wonder what happened to “Life”, my high school idol. I hope he’s well. But I don’t want to be him anymore. I have my own blessings and I’ll try not to compare myself to anyone else. God has been too good to me, and to each of us.
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