The search for “the one” can be a long and tiring process. If you believe your vocation is marriage, but you’re struggling to make that life a reality, you may be tempted to fall into discouragement. It can feel as though you’re stuck in a vortex, going in circles and unable to move forward with your life—almost as if you’re just wasting time, waiting for your real life to begin once you finally can get married. You might even begin to wonder: does my life have any meaning right now?
The answer, of course, is yes. As the great psychologist and concentration camp survivor Viktor Frankl taught in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, meaning can be found in any situation of life, no matter how difficult it might be. He writes,
“We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one’s predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change. . .we are challenged to change ourselves.”
So you shouldn’t give up on God’s plan for you, nor question whether your life has meaning and value during the years that you’re single but want to be married. Try to view that period of time as a challenge to grow.
One way to think about your single years is as an extremely precious opportunity to prepare well for your future married life. Every doctor has to go through medical school before practicing medicine. Every soldier has to go through bootcamp before heading into a warzone. And it’s the same for someone pursuing the vocation of marriage: the years beforehand provide an opportunity to prepare for marriage—if we choose to take advantage of them. The more that someone works on themselves in the years before marriage, the better their marriage will be.
Marriage does not dissolve our faults nor eliminate all the tensions of life, as delightful as that would be. We bring ourselves into marriage—with all our imperfections and weaknesses. So the more you can overcome your weaknesses before marriage, the freer you will be once you enter that happy state. And you’ll be giving your spouse the greatest gift you can give them: the best version of yourself. Virtue really is the best wedding present you can bestow on your beloved.
In addition, the pre-marriage years also offer the opportunity to engage in acts of charity that you may not have time for after marriage. This special window of time allows you to give back in ways you probably won’t be able to later, at least not as much.
And since successful marriages have a lot to do with servant-mindedness, it’s a great idea to start practicing servant-mindedness now.
Here are a few ideas to consider:
Visit nursing homes
Unfortunately, many people in nursing homes receive few, if any, visits. They’re often lonely and would love to have someone to talk to. Going to nursing homes and connecting with the residents through conversation or activities is a beautiful way to give of yourself without expecting anything in return.
Volunteer at a pro-life group
There are hundreds of pro-life organizations throughout the country who need volunteers. There’s a wide range of volunteer work opportunities, everything from sidewalk counseling to administrative work to marketing to prayer groups. Your efforts can help save lives. It’s hard to think of much more meaningful work than that.
Help out your friends and family
Often, we don’t have to look far for opportunities to perform charitable work. Our family and friends, who have the first claim on our love and care, may well need our help in some form. If you have an elderly grandparent, you could help them with chores around the house or just stave off their loneliness by frequent visits. Maybe you have a younger sibling who could use some mentoring and guidance. Perhaps there’s a friend who’s struggling financially. If you can’t think of anyone with needs like this, just start asking around.
Volunteer at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen
God has a special love for the poor, and practically all the saints throughout history shared that love. Most of them served the poor in some way or another, and that opportunity is available to each of us as well.
Get involved with a charitable organization
There are plenty of organizations that provide services to those in need, such as affordable housing, food banks, healthcare support, and disaster relief. There’s lots to be done and many ways to get involved supporting the church and your local community.
Sign up for Eucharistic Adoration
Many churches and chapels throughout the country offer Adoration of Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament 24/7. They need volunteers to fill time-slots so that someone is always there, praying before the monstrance. Making a commitment to pray in the presence of Our Lord during certain times each week will not only bring down more blessings on the world, but it will also be an extraordinary boost to your own spiritual life.
These and similar activities can help you prepare for marriage while contributing to society in a crucial way. Moreover, they can help you find meaning in your life because—paradoxically—it is in giving of ourselves that we find ourselves, in sacrificing our own plans that we find meaning. “For he that will save his life, shall lose it: and he that shall lose his life for my sake, shall find it” (Matt. 16:25).
