You Can Always Go Deeper in Forgiveness

God has a very funny, interesting sense of humor sometimes.

Over the last three years since my divorce, I have grown a lot in my understanding forgiveness and living that out by forgiving my former husband over time. Honestly, I truly thought I had “worked through” all of that stuff with God.

Well apparently, this Lent, Jesus saw fit that I needed more practice; that I could grow deeper in the grace of forgiveness.

About a month ago, my mom and I went to a nearby Catholic parish for a night of prayer ministry. While getting situated, I realized my former husband was also present. The last time I saw him was the day our divorce was finalized, almost three years to the date.

I was shocked and a little overwhelmed to see him. I was also nervous, thinking he would approach me and I did not really want to speak to him. At first, I was not sure if I wanted to flee the scene or stay for the time of prayer.

There was a time of praise and worship before ministry began, and the worship team was leading the people in one of my favorite songs “Reckless Love.” As they sang, tears ran down my face. Inside, my little heart was hard and sad: Why does HE have to be here, Jesus? He does not deserve to be here, he should not be here. Why do I have to run into him here, now, during Lent, and recently after a break-up?

Almost instantly, I sensed the bitterness and resentment rearing their ugliness in my heart.

I knew in this exact moment, I could not explore it further with Jesus, but acknowledged my hardness of heart and repented; reminding myself in the moment my ex-husband is a beloved child of the Father just as I am. He had every right to come for healing and prayer just as much as I did.

In the following weeks, the Lord took me on a journey revealing to me different areas that needed to die inside of me. Talk about a fun Lent! Namely, the bitterness and resentment I felt in seeing him for the first time since our divorce. As I spent time in prayer, I was drawn to one of my favorite parables of Jesus, the prodigal son.

Jesus started to gently poke at the door of my heart.

In that instant of seeing my former husband and the reaction of my heart, I saw I was just like the older son in this parable. The older son did not want to come in to the party, but stood outside stewing in his anger and resentment of his brother.

So what is the point of me sharing this with you?

We can always go deeper in forgiveness.

There is always more to forgive.

Just when we think we have it figured out, something happens.

We bump into that person who hurt us so many years ago. Perhaps we are triggered by a memory or something in the present moment reminds us of a past situation. Then, in that moment we are confronted with a choice: does the wound of our past hurt kick in or do we allow Jesus stretch us like a rubber band to go deeper in forgiveness?

Forgiveness is never a one-time action. It is dynamic, constant, and ongoing. For many of us, (most I would imagine) it is a process and not just a one-time choice or decision.

Even when we think we have done all the hard work of forgiveness, there is always more the Lord wants to heal in us or teach us. That is what my 2019 Lenten journey taught me. I have more work to do in the forgiveness department.

If Jesus reveals to you a person or situation where you need to more deeply forgive, lean into it with His grace.

God always desires deeper healing for His sons and daughters. Ask Jesus to give you a deeper desire to forgive. Keep asking. In time, He will help you in what perhaps feels impossible or overwhelming.

Maybe how you are being called to forgive will look different than it did for me. It might be an even more difficult situation. What I do know is if Jesus, who was God, can forgive from the cross, then we as His disciples are held to the very same standard.

What are lessons or insights you have learned about forgiveness in your own life?

Ask the Holy Spirit, “Are there people or areas of my life where I need to show a deeper forgiveness?”