It is Not Good For Man to be Alone: So What if I’m Single?

A couple months ago, I was helping a friend move for a few hours—or so I thought. When I arrived that Thursday morning (and over the course of the next 48 hours) I discovered that my job description had slightly expanded to: sort papers, pack boxes, clean out the kitchen, load boxes into her car and unload them at the storage unit, help her decide what to take and what not to take, haul heavy trash bags to the dumpster, keep her spirits up, and get her stuff out of the apartment before the management arrived to do the final inspection.

As I labeled and taped up boxes during my modern-day corporal work of mercy, I thought to myself, “The Lord said it was not good that man should be alone. Well, it’s clearly not good for woman to move alone! (And by the way, Lord, while we’re on that topic, if you think it’s not good for man to be alone, why, pray tell, am I still single?)”

Of course, I doubt the good Lord had “not moving alone” as the primary motivation for creating Eve and making her a “help” to Adam. Without going into the etymology of words and embarking on deep theological reflection, suffice it to to say that St. John Paul II had a beautiful take on the meaning of Eve being a “help.”

How to live in relationship

In his Theology of the Body he doesn’t speak about how it was convenient for Adam to have someone to help him take care of the garden, tend to the animals, or to cook his meals. Rather, she was a “help” insofar as without another person, Adam would not be moved to go beyond himself.

Made in the image of the Trinity, a communion of divine Persons, we too are called to form a “communion of persons,” to exist in relationship. Being in relationship means going out of ourselves and making a gift of ourselves to other people, which at the same times includes being open to and receiving them. St. John Paul II says,

“Man becomes an image of God not so much in the moment of solitude as in the moment of communion.” (TOB 9:3)

But what does it mean to “make a gift of myself”? It’s easy to see the answer when we’re talking about the vocation to marriage (when you completely give yourself to your spouse) or the vocation to celibacy/consecrated life (when you completely give yourself to God and his Church), but what does that mean for those of us who are single? How do we give ourselves to God and others, and how can it make a difference in our lives?

What does that mean for single Catholics?

Having worked with the Theology of the Body for many years, I’ve long had a love for the whole idea of “gift,” a prominent theme in the late pontiff’s text. So I was a bit caught off guard the other day when a friend asked me for examples of practical ways to give herself to God in her daily life as a single—and I actually had to stop and think about it.

“Well, we can surrender ourselves completely to Him,” I replied. But again, practically, what does that mean?

Here are some ideas about how you can practically give yourself to God:

• It means spending time alone and in quiet with Him, because without spending time with someone there can be no real relationship.
• It also means that self-surrender to his will in our lives, that joyful embracing of what He allows, regardless of whether it’s what we think we want or not.
• It also means letting Him love us in our weaknesses and frustrations—giving Him an open, wounded heart.
• And it means giving ourselves to Him through service to our brothers and sisters in this world, for “whatever you do to the least of these, you do to Me.”

Which brings us to the topic of giving ourselves to others. Yes, most of us long to give ourselves totally to another in marriage. That, after all, is why many single Catholics are members of CatholicMatch. But if that is not the gift which the Lord has given us to live at this moment, how do we both give ourselves and receive the people He has put in our path at this time?

Here is how we can give of ourselves to others:

• Through the spiritual and corporal works of mercy.
• Through serving in our parishes, praying at the 40 Days for Life, or volunteering at the local crisis pregnancy center or the homeless shelter downtown.
• By giving of our resources to those organizations who are helping the suffering Body of Christ throughout the world.
• Through really being present to those we’re with, without constantly checking our messages on our phones; by offering a listening ear when a friend needs it; speaking an encouraging word to a discouraged colleague; and praying for those we know who are struggling.
• Yes, it can even be as simple as smiling at the cashier when you’re checking out.
• But it also means gathering with others who share our struggles to encourage and be encouraged.
• It means laughing together and enjoying the sheer goodness of God in the beautiful people He has created (read: you and me!)
• It means praying together, for where two or three are gathered, He is present!

We can't live this Christian life alone

The Lord said “it is not good that man should be alone.” So if He hasn’t yet brought along your “Eve” and presented her to you, or raised up your “Adam” out of the dust in your church’s flowerbed, all the more reason to gather together with other single Catholics who share your values, your experiences, and your desires!

We can’t live this Christian life, our baptismal call to holiness, on our own! We are fools if we think we can. We need to be strengthened to continue on, to fight the battle. We need a spiritual “shot in the arm” to vaccinate us against the efforts of the evil one to bring us down. We are called to live in the power of the Resurrection!

As Pope Benedict said,

“Here too we see as a distinguishing mark of Christians the fact that they have a future: it is not that they know the details of what awaits them, but they know...that their life will not end in emptiness... The one who has hope lives differently; the one who hopes has been granted the gift of a new life.” (Pope Benedict XVI, Spe Salvi 1, 2)

So I invite you to join me at the National Catholic Singles Conference 2016 (NCSC) in Dallas, Texas to rejoice, to be encouraged, to be strengthened in your faith and to meet lots of other wonderful people!

Oh yeah, and to experience some Texan hospitality! (Who knows, maybe your “Adam” or “Eve” will be there too. My friend Susanne met her “Adam” last time the NCSC came to TX—so you never know!)

I’m very grateful for all of the fantastic people I’ve met through organizing the NCSC over the last 11 years (14 conferences)—and I’m looking forward to meeting more at our 15th this fall!

Hope to see you there!