Embracing Single Life—Even If It's Not My Choice

A couple years ago, during my studies in Austria, I learned something in Greek class which would have a deep impact on my spiritual life. We had a wonderful Greek teacher who taught us a lot, but what made the most lasting impression on me was not the numerous forms and moods of the Greek verbs (which definitely take repetition and study to remember) or the Hail Mary in Greek (which we prayed every morning at the end of class), but rather one bit of information which our Greek teacher told us about the Annunciation.

Mary’s “Fiat,” which she gave to God when the angel Gabriel came and announced to her that she would be the Mother of God, has an added aspect in the Greek which it doesn’t have in English or Latin—an aspect which is quite relevant to our attitude as singles.

In Greek, there is a mood of the verb called the “optative” mood, which implies strong desire, and Mary’s “fiat” or “let it be” uses that form (γένοιτό, the optative form of γίνομαι). So when Mary answered, “Let it be to me according to your word,” it was not just a passive acceptance of God’s proposal. Rather Our Lady, in love with God as she was, strongly desired that God’s will be done in her.

Now what does this have to do with me or you? Well, a long time ago I was speaking with a bishop about my lack of a husband, and, along with recommendations to pray to St. Joseph, he told me that I needed to be able to embrace being single (even though I didn’t want to stay that way). I don’t know about you, but for me that’s been tough. It’s one thing to be resigned to God’s will because we know it’s what is best for us, but when it doesn’t appear to be the same thing that we think we want at the moment, it’s much harder to actively embrace it.

Fr. Jacques Philippe illustrates this well in his book Interior Freedom. He describes real freedom as “consenting to what we did not originally choose.” He emphasizes that "it is worth stressing how important this way of exercising our freedom is. The highest and most fruitful form of human freedom is found in accepting, even more than in dominating… It is natural and easy to go along with pleasant situations that arise without our choosing them. It becomes a problem, obviously, when things are unpleasant, go against us, or make us suffer. But it is precisely then that, in order to become truly free, we are often called to choose to accept what we did not want, and even what we would not have wanted at any price. There is a paradoxical law of human life here: one cannot become truly free unless one accepts not always being free!" (Interior Freedom, p. 28, emphasis added)

So I’ve known for a long time that I needed to embrace the Lord’s will for me in my present single state, but learning about Mary’s “yes” in Greek really helped me to see the beauty and importance of that embrace. It also fully demonstrates that the receptivity and surrender characteristic of femininity (which is sometimes seen as weakness by many people), is, in reality, an active participation, not a wimpy resigned passivity. Surely Mary’s “yes” was the strongest, most courageous “fiat” that has been given by a human person—a “fiat” that changed human history.

Let us ask her to intercede for us, that our “yes” to God may be a full and active embracing of His will for our lives. May our strong desire to do His will at any cost be the means of transformation not only of ourselves, but of those around us!

Have a blessed Holy Week!

Today the good tidings of joy are proclaimed,

today is the festival of the Virgin;

things below are joined together with things on high.

Adam is made new; Eve is freed from the primal grief;

and by the deification of the human nature, which the Lord assumed,

the tabernacle of our substance has become a temple of God.

Oh, what a mystery!

The manner of His emptying cannot be known;

the manner of His conception is beyond speech.

An Angel ministers at the miracle; a virginal womb receives the Son;

the Holy Spirit is sent down; the Father on high is well pleased,

and according to their common counsel, a covenant is brought to pass

in which and through which we are saved.

For this reason let us unite our song with Gabriel’s, crying aloud to the Virgin:

“Rejoice, O Lady full of grace, the Lord is with you!

From you is our salvation, Christ our God, Who,

by assuming the nature that is our own, has led us back to Himself.

Humbly pray to Him for the salvation of our souls!”

- from Byzantine Vespers for the Feast of the Annunciation (by Andrew of Jerusalem)