Experiencing Fear During the Pandemic? Try Doing This

This is like a bad dream you can't wake up from.

The other night, while trying to fall asleep, I had an imaginary conversation with the “me” of two months ago, telling her what has happened recently.

“Well, there’s a pandemic of this horrible virus, and it has shut down China and Italy. They’re afraid we’re going to run out of ventilators and we won’t be able to care for all of the sick people. So now we basically aren’t allowed to leave our houses except for groceries and urgent medical appointments. We can’t even go to Mass. Also, there is no toilet paper.”

Who would have thought it, even just a few weeks ago?

I keep seeing Facebook posts about how lovely it was of God to arrange this time, so that families would be forced to turn away from their outside distractions, and toward each other. Parents and kids singing, watching movies and playing games, looking somewhat like a Norman Rockwell painting. Although, I’m hearing that extended family time in close quarters, in real life, is sometimes perhaps a little less Von Trapp family and a little more Soprano family. 

Meanwhile, you and I are facing a very different set of problems.

We are finding ourselves alone—really alone—for very long stretches of time. No going to work. No going to happy hour with friends. No going over to visit family. Just quiet, quiet houses.

But this isn't just an opportunity for downtime. It’s an international crisis. My elderly parents are in lockdown, and I haven’t seen them in nearly three weeks. My Dad is 97 years old. I am also symptomatic, but likely not symptomatic enough to be tested. Plus I work on 100% commission, in an industry heavily dependent on people being able to go outside of their homes. I’ll be honest. I’m a little scared sometimes.

It’s a really weird time to be living.

And it’s a weird time to be alone. With so much going on, and so much of the future unknown, it can be difficult to shut off our thoughts. Instead, with nothing to distract us, it can be easy to let them spiral.

What if this happens? What if that happens? What if I run out of money? What if my loved ones die? What is that, a cough? Did I have that yesterday? Am I short of breath? Why yes, I believe I AM short of breath! Where is the testing facility? Will they test me? Probably not, but why? Am I going to die here, alone and unloved? How long before anybody discovers me? Would anybody even miss me? Could I have a funeral? Could more than ten people come? If only someone else had been here with me. This never would have happened if I had been married.

Does any of this sound remotely familiar?

Of course, our rational brains know that, if we aren’t in a high-risk group—and especially if we are respecting the rules, washing our hands and socially distancing—the chances of our contracting a severe case of COVID19 are relatively slim. But our rational brains often take a leave of absence after a few hours left alone in our own heads.

I live alone and I often work alone. So I have become a kind of an expert in managing thinking—and fear—when left alone with my thoughts for long periods of time.

The first thing I learned is that it is impossible to try to not think about something. Go ahead, try it. For the next two minutes, don’t think about a purple dinosaur. Whatever you do, don’t let that image into your head.

So what happens? You “try” not to think about purple dinosaurs, and then you say “How is it going? Am I not thinking about purple dinosaurs?” And then, voila, you are thinking about purple dinosaurs.

So, if you’re trying to run away from your thoughts, you’re probably not having a lot of success.

What are you supposed to do instead? One technique I found helpful is to simply say to dark thoughts “OK, thoughts. Here you are. Apparently you want to hang out with me today. Well, you are welcome to do that. But bear in mind that I am going to ignore you.” And then do.

If a thought comes up, acknowledge that it is still there, and then go back to whatever you were doing. Eventually, the dark thoughts tend to get bored and leave.

A second “technique” I have learned is an old tried-and-true one—prayer.

I once had a spiritual director who really helped me learn to pray through strong emotions. He said the first thing to do is, in prayer, to simply tell God how you are feeling. “Lord, I feel scared. Lord, I feel lonely.” Whatever. Then give the emotion to Him. Invite Him into it. And then, just sit there and feel it, in His presence. Don’t analyze it. This isn’t a time for thinking, or coming up with solutions. It is just a time to feel whatever you are feeling, with Him.

After you have been doing this for a while, feeling your feelings in the presence of Christ, something frequently happens. He called it a “drop.” The feeling changes. You realize you are not alone. And, often, that peace appears. The peace the world cannot give.

So do that. Simply go to God and say “Here is what I am obsessing over. I’m worried about my health. I’m worried about my loved ones. I’m worried about the economy. I give it all to you.” Feel it with Him. Stay with Him. Wait for the peace. And then, a day later or an hour later when you think about it again, give it to God. Again. And again.

Prayer is indispensable in the midst of fear.

But I get that, for those of you in the throes of real, clinical anxiety, nothing is more annoying than “just do this.” Or “just give it to God.” Your altered brain chemistry can make that extraordinarily difficult.

For those times, in addition to prayer, there’s a great book called “When Panic Attacks” by David Burns. He gives lots of cognitive/behavioral exercises for working through different kinds of distorted thinking. And studies have shown that these kinds of exercises are as effective as medication in relieving anxiety and depression.

So while God uses this pandemic to bring families closer together, He may be allowing it so that we singles can, in the quiet, finally face ourselves. And turn to Him. And learn to trust Him. And grow closer to Him.

I am a firm believer in God’s promise in Romans 8, “All things work for good for those who love Him.” I really do believe that the God who loves us is working nonstop to bring good out of the suffering we are all experiencing. And I believe that clinging to Him is the fastest way to peace in this uncertain world.

So, in these strange days, remember that you aren’t alone. There is Someone there, beside you. And He’d love to spend some time with you.