Three Things Every Relationship Needs

What is the purpose of a key?

At a basic point, I would say to get you from one point or location to another. Keys unlock doors and spaces and they lead into a new location or experience. 

When I was in high school and college, there were plenty of times I got locked out of my parent’s house (one time an elderly neighbor across the street had to help me break in a side window!) and there were times I locked my car keys in the car; yes, even when the car was running. 

We need keys for many basic things in our everyday lives: cars, homes, safes, storage units, etc. 

In dating, there are lots of different keys to help guide a budding relationship. Here are three that I think we all could agree are both important and necessary.

Expectations: Success or Disaster?

Whether you are testing the waters of online dating or just getting started in a serious relationship, it is really important to set realistic expectations.

Having expectations can be vital in the dating world. While it may be difficult to create the ideal partner in your head or find them out in the real world, some expectations can be important in building a strong foundation. Think about how you want a man or woman to treat you.

What are must have’s and can’t stands? How do you want to feel in a relationship? What heart qualities do you want a partner to have?

Knowing how you want to be treated and how you would like to feel with a partner is essential to your comfort and security—especially when you think seriously about dating a person.

For example, it may be important for you to feel supported in a relationship. Reflecting on and exploring what supportive behaviors and actions you value can help you develop and clearly communicate that expectation. When we know our expectations, we can more easily let go of those who do not meet our needs.

Boundaries: how important are they, really?

When we clearly know and communicate our expectations, we apply them in real life by using boundaries. 

While they can be tricky sometimes, all types of relationships in our lives need boundaries. They keep us safe emotionally while preventing us from stepping into other people’s “stuff” which is not ours to carry, deal with, or fix. Boundaries help us take responsibility for ourselves first without trying to fix other people around us.

Without setting and implementing boundaries in life and relationships, you might get put or end up in situations that make you feel uncomfortable or unseen by someone else. 

If you are new to the concept or practice of boundaries, be sure to read more on the topics by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. 

Communication: the final key.

You thought about your expectations on how you want to be treated. You have found ways to reinforce and communicate those expectations with boundaries. Those both lead us to communication!

Sometimes people make assumptions about others’ understanding of what expectations are, without taking the time to explicitly talk about them. When we do that, it never goes the way we expect.

While we all wish we could leave things unsaid or have our partner read our mind, there has to be a dialogue about the different ways you like to receive kindness, love, and respect. Discuss or learn together what each of your love languages are. Know your own communication style and needs, as well as those of your partner.

This will be an ongoing, continual conversation that will develop over time. By doing so, you are laying out your expectations and implementing your boundaries through clear communication.

Whether you are newly dating or seriously dating someone, each of these keys are great tools to help you better understand yourself and the other person. This in turn, can build and strengthen any relationship.

If you had to choose three top keys of dating, what would they be and why?