The Best Advice I Received as a Single Woman

I think I have the best spiritual guide in the whole world.

And yes I completely acknowledge I am slightly biased.

She is a laywoman who was my favorite professor in graduate school. I attended several of her classes and she coached me on the development and writing of my thesis. She is passionate, wise, discerning, and challenges me when needed. She is a woman of faith and strength I greatly admire and respect. I like to think someday when I am her age I will reflect some of the characteristics that I admire in her.

At a recent appointment, I was processing with her a recent breakup with a man I had been dating for almost a year. While I was sad, I had perfect peace about why it was the best decision for me in my life. I was talking through some things and starting to over think the next steps to take in my life with being single, dating, and stepping outside my comfort zone.

We were sitting in comfortable armchairs, and with a twinkle in her eye, she leaned forward and said to me, “Patty, be open. Just show up. There is no formula for life.”

I took a long, deep breath as if to allow those words to settle in my spirit.

She repeated them again, as if to make a stronger point for me to understand.

Those words continued to resonate with me long after they were spoken.

Since that appointment almost two months ago, I have spent a lot of time reflecting on those words for where my life finds me right now.

I have written them down in my prayer journal. I wrote them on a sticky note to keep on my desk at work as a constant reminder. I often have to re-remind myself of them in moments when I feel scared about the future or lonely.

One of the things I have learned about myself is I sometimes like to tell (or demand) Jesus how I want my life to look. I have a specific map and it is as if I am giving Him the directions for how I “think” my life should play out. And you know the funny thing about having an attitude like that with God?

It never works out! 

God is not a divine vending machine we can manipulate to give us exactly what we want, as if we were getting a Snickers bar or bag of nacho cheese Doritos. Too often in my relationship with God over the years, I have treated Him as such. Thankfully, I am re-learning those unhealthy spiritual habits, but I know I have a ways to go in trusting Jesus with all the areas of my life.

This is something we should all learn from.

I sometimes fall into the lie that perhaps God is not good or will withhold from me good things or the desires of my heart. But I have to keep preaching the truth to myself and asking Jesus to help me trust Him more with the desires of my heart. Honestly, there are days that is easy and there are days where it feels very difficult.

I think that advice my spiritual director gave is something beneficial for all of us, no matter our stage in life or the circumstances we find ourselves in.

Be open. Just show up.

Be open to new opportunities, adventures, and people. Just show up to live your life and keep showing up. Look for the beauty and joy right where life finds you.

Never let a day pass by without recalling all the things you are grateful for in your life, all the blessings of how God loves you. Even when you feel lonely or sad or worried, yes, in those moments you can still find something to be grateful for.

Let's live our one life well today and every day.

Those five little words of advice are a reminder for me to trust God where He has me and that He has a plan for my life, even if it looks very different than what I imagine. It is hard sometimes. But repeating those words to myself or looking down at the sticky note on my desk is a reminder to live my one life well and to trust God with the details of it all.

If I try to control my life, I will never actually be happy and miss the life I am living right now.

So wherever God has you right now, whichever season you are in, be open and just show up to live your life.

Who are people in your life you look to for wise advice and guidance on your own journey?

What is the best piece of spiritual advice you have received in your life? And how has it helped you become a better version of yourself?