A Question from Marriage Prep That Belongs in the Dating Sphere

Ever wanted to ask your date the deep questions without freaking them out?

Been. There. And I assure you, you are not alone. I have one of those questions for you. And together you can achieve the seemingly impossible: diving deep without the freak.

Marriage prep had a lot of questions. Don’t get me wrong—they were all purposeful and important. They all belonged. People had clearly thought about what we should talk about before we committed to one another for the rest of our lives. But as much as I loved our classes and would recommend them to ALL my engaged friends, the one thing we noticed again and again… we’ve already talked about this.

There was, however, one question in particular that stood out to the hubs and I. In a pile of questions that should really already be addressed, this one hadn’t been.

And you might think, well, great, that’s why it’s being asked now… But I think this one truly belongs in the dating world.

So here’s the question: What was your dinner table like growing up?

It sounds simple, I know. Maybe it sounds even painfully simple to you. But I learned—and I think you will too—how telling it actually can be.

There are two (main) ways a Q&A can go wrong with your date: a Q (or A) can make the situation wildly uncomfortable, or the Q ends up being useless in your journey of getting to know one another better.

And that is why this question belongs in the dating world: it does neither of those things.

This Q has the potential to reveal a lot about a person without making them uncomfortable and reveal what a life together might look like in an accurate way.

For Catholics, the emphasis of breaking bread together is integral.

Not only because Jesus exemplifies this in the Last Supper, but because of how He made our hearts’ desires. It’s something we were meant to take part in. And how we were raised to take part in that has shaped us, whether we realize it or not.

And before you go thinking, “Well, this requires that I had a dinner table experience with my family, and I didn’t, so I’m out,” that is actually just as meaningful of an answer.

When my husband and I spoke about our own dinner tables, we were opposites. He was expected to be home every night, and he always ate dinner with his family at their dinner table in their backyard.

I religiously ate dinner at our kitchen bar as quickly as I could in between volleyball practice and homework. Our experiences had slyly, but deeply, shaped our expectations around food, and sharing a meal with your family, and thus a certain structure to your home life, and the implications of how that all looks.

His experience gave him a very deep love for food, and therefore a deep love of sharing it with other people. My experience gave me a desire to spend one-on-one time with people in my family, and a relaxed attitude about food in general.

So, what do you do with those experiences in becoming one flesh? Or in thinking about becoming one flesh, one day? You put them side by side and ask, how do these work together?

This conversation has the potential to be really fun and reminiscent. It also has the potential to bring up rough spots.

But maybe that isn’t such a bad thing? The point isn’t to compare. The point is to be real & look forward… down the path of dating! Hello to a gentle look at their home life, some foundational ways they intend to live their life, and getting to know one another in a healthy way.

You also have the opportunity to take that risk and go even deeper: what do you want YOUR dinner table to look like?

And this is why this is so perfect for dating: in marriage prep, it was obviously geared toward OUR dinner table. But for dating, that doesn’t need to be the case. You aren’t asking them to commit to raising a family with you on the third date! You are asking them about their own expectations of how they want to break bread if they had it their way. And coupled with our own expectations, how does the long-term relationship with this person look?

We had one of the most fruitful conversations sorting out how we wanted our dinner table to look if it were up to us—as it would be in a few months once we were married. And with a question that stands to be so revealing and seemingly lighthearted, why not ask it on a date?

Breaking bread goes so far beyond its very act, we should grant it the importance it deserves.

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