Mashed Potatoes & Meet the Parents: Meeting the Family this Holiday Season
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Fall is in the air, and with that comes pumpkins, hot chocolate, and the holidays.
And with the holidays comes family gatherings.
And with family gatherings typically comes . . . dun dun DUUUUUHHHHHH!
Meeting the parents.
Yes. It’s time. You’ve been dating your person, you’ve become exclusive, and his/her parents are likely DYING to meet this special someone in your lives. I’ve got some great first-impression tips up my sleeve, for both sides of the relationship...
If you’re the one bringing your boyfriend/girlfriend to meet your parents: it’s actually very simple.
- Be helpful: Give your significant other info about your family. Tell them their names, their jobs, their interests, and some things they love to talk about. (and maybe some topics to steer clear of). Your date will feel more prepared and thus, less nervous.
- Have their back: Introduce them to people right away when you arrive. Save them from uncomfortable conversations. Help them tell that funny story. Don’t abandon them in the kitchen while you spend time with your siblings elsewhere. If this person is actually important to you, you’ll want your family to see that you care about them no matter who is in the room.
If you’re the one going to meet the parents: I’ve got all kinds of tips for you!
DO SOME RESEARCH: Ask what mom and dad are into, ask where they grew up, what their jobs are, what their hobbies are. If you are able to say: “John/Jane tells me that you make amazing quilts” or “you’ve built your business from the ground up”, Mom or Dad will be touched that you’ve taken an interest in learning about them, and that their son or daughter cares about them enough to brag them up a bit.
BRING SOMETHING: Just yes. You can’t go wrong here. Bring a bottle of wine, a dessert, side dish, a snack for later in the day, or even a game you could all play together. Bonus points if you ask ahead of time what the host would like you to bring :)
DRESS FOR THE OCCASION: If the family tends to play football in the backyard, don’t wear a silk dress. If her mom serves a 4 course meal with fine china and stemware, maybe skip the sweatshirt and go for a nice button-down instead. Your date should be able to give you a general idea of the typical holiday “dress code”. [Ladies, you might have to push a little harder to get your man to remember what his Mom wore to the last few holidays. . . haha!]
Avoid extremes [too casual or too dressy]. If you look presentable you’ll be fine. Honestly, my best advice is to wear something you’re comfortable in. If you’re uncomfortable you’ll be self conscious, and that never leads to a confident first-impression.
OFFER TO HELP: With the dishes. With setting the table. With cleanup. Helping is good. Even if you weren’t dating their child, you should be in the habit of doing this. It’s just good manners. Pro tip: Actions speak louder than words. Start helping (carrying the dishes or pouring the wine), as you offer to help. It shows that you mean it.
DON’T BE A WALLFLOWER: There’s no need to pretend to be a social butterfly if that’s just not you. But it is BAD MANNERS to be silent and monosyllabic when at a social gathering. Don’t cower behind the excuse that you’re just too “shy” or “quiet” to talk to the family. It makes people uncomfortable. It reflects badly on your date.
You don’t need to be a chatty Cathy. Answer questions posed to you. Listen well and ask questions; this gets other people talking so you can be more of a listening ear. Suggest a board game or other activity where you can engage with others without the sole focus being on the convo.
A NOTE for the NERVOUS: If you’re a bundle of nerves regarding meeting the parents at a big holiday gathering, perhaps see if you can arrange a low-key meeting with them BEFORE the holiday parties begin. Offer to meet up for lunch or have the two of them over so you can meet and get to know each other without the whole family as an audience. If distance is an issue, this could be as simple as seeing if you and your significant other can arrive the day before the party for a little one-on-one time with the parents. This is also great if they’d appreciate help setting up!
FIND SOMETHING IN COMMON: It’s the best feeling in any conversation when you have that moment of “ME TOO!” Your prior “research” with your significant other can help you have a few of these in common things—teams you root for, jobs you’ve done, places you’ve been, music or hobbies you like—that you’ll be able to bring up. Even if you have nothing in common with the parents, genuine interest in learning about them and good listening skills will make up for it. People generally love to talk about their passions and are glad for a listening ear :)
SHARE A STORY ABOUT YOU AND YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER: This could be a sweet anecdote, something hilarious that happened on one of your dates, or even the awkward way the two of you met! It gives the parents an inside peek into this relationship they’ve probably been wondering about for a while. And it shows that you are secure enough in your relationship to share a few tidbits with others.
ASK ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND WAS LIKE AS A CHILD: It’s always fun to hear childhood stories. You get an insight into what their life was like growing up and it’s a great well of stories for the family to share! Plus, you might all get a great laugh from the embarrassing stories that parents love to tell!
BE YOURSELF: The family wants to get to know you. Your personality, your interests, and to understand why their child is so into you! Just like a first date, have good manners and don’t pretend to be something you’re not.
BE THANKFUL: I mean, it’s Thanksgiving. But seriously, thank your hosts for their time, the food, and their thoughtfulness. Compliment the food. Compliment their home. Just show appreciation. A sincere “thank you” can go a long way. If you’re on the old-fashioned side, you can always send a quick thank you note after the gathering.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Best of luck meeting the parents—with these tips, I’m sure they’ll love you!
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