I had hoped my first time meeting my then-boyfriend's family would be uneventful...
My most embarrassing moment happened at my first Thanksgiving spent with my husband, Aaron’s, family. We had been dating for about five months and wanted to experience each other’s families during the season.
After a filling turkey dinner, we moved into the living room for the tradition of watching football and dozing. Aaron and I were snuggled up together on their leather couch, with his parents and 23-year-old brother occupying the only other seating in the room. There was some small-talk going on about football, when suddenly, the dinner in my stomach shifted, causing some noisy gas to escape out my backside.
Aaron, the gentlemen, tried deflecting the moment by continuing the conversation. His words were in vain, though, because after a few seconds of deafening silence, his brother exclaimed, “Did she just fart?!” Everyone burst into awkward laughter, and all my hopes of putting my best foot forward during that stay were, well, deflated.
Six years later, now that I'm legally in the family, those experiences just become part of the joy of being around the in-laws. But if you’re in the dating phase with your special someone and are wondering how to conduct yourself for your first holiday visit, here are some do’s and don’ts to keep in mind:
1. Don’t sweat the small stuff (like, what to bring to dinner).
That same Thanksgiving, I called Aaron’s mom a few days beforehand to see what I could bring for the dinner. Despite Aaron assuring me that I didn’t need to bring anything, I wanted to make a good impression by dazzling them with a homemade dessert or something.
When she answered, I anxiously responded, “Hello… Mrs. Lofy?” Between my out of state number on their caller ID and my nervous greeting, she must have thought I was a solicitor, because I was then met with, “Sorry, wrong number,” and a hang-up. As if that wasn’t my sign to quit, I gave it another painstaking try later that day. This time, when she answered, I said, “Hi Mrs. Lofy, this is Emily…Aaron’s girlfriend.” That did the trick, but when I asked her what I could bring for the dinner, she told me I could “just bring some dinner rolls.”
Well, I decided to get the fanciest rolls from the best local bakery…two large bags of them, in case they were the hit of the dinner. But, much to my dismay, there were already about three dozen store-bought rolls set out on the counter when I eagerly presented my fancy rolls on Thanksgiving.
I was so concerned with making a good impression that I tried pushing my own agenda, rather than just going with the flow. Every family has their own way of doing things, so trust your significant other (SO) on how your charity will be best received. Oftentimes, a helping hand at the end of the meal goes a lot further than spending $20 on excess, unused rolls.
2. Stick to your “guns” (with your significant other's support).
While some things aren’t worth rocking the boat over, you may need to prepare yourself to be firm—yet charitable—on some more important issues.
What if your SO’s family doesn’t attend Mass during Christmas? Or perhaps they don’t see a problem with the two of you sharing a bed for your overnight stay? Or maybe you have a significant dietary need that you have to observe.
Make sure you talk with your SO about what to expect in these situations, and prepare a plan together before the visit on how you’ll handle it. Aaron slept on the living room couch every time we visited his parents before we were married, which brought a sea of constant criticism from his brother. But whether he agreed with our prudence or not, we were firm in our resolve, and tried our best to earnestly explain our commitment to chastity.
Hopefully you can let your sweetie take the majority of the heat in these situations, since they know how to best communicate with their family.
3. Be a sponge, not a “Scrooge” (aka enjoy their cheesy traditions).
Every family has different traditions, ways of communicating, and spending their time together. Sometimes, gathering a lot of family together in a small house on a cold day does not always leave people feeling “merry and bright.” Or on the contrary, this could be the first time you’ve experienced a loving family gathering.
Either way, open yourself up, and try to embrace all the cheesy games, traditions, or conversations that occur. There’s no better way to get to know your SO than to see them amongst their family of origin, especially if the relationship is getting serious.
4. Be yourself (because it'll always make for a better story later).
Take the pressure off...you don’t have to be the perfect guest. Your SO’s family will probably be more interested in getting to know you, and seeing you and your sweetie interact, than whether you brought the best homemade dessert and fanciest rolls. Plus, if there’s a potential for this family to become your future in-laws, you’re going to be glad that you were yourself that first holiday—flatulence and all.
Though my most embarrassing moment on that first Thanksgiving was definitely one for the books, it did have a way of breaking the ice for future visits. And just remember, while this might be your first holiday with your SO’s family, it hopefully won’t be your last. Cheers to a happy season!
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