In a Relationship? Don't Overlook This One Quality!

Just when it's starting to get serious...

Y'all have been dating for some time. You've met his or her family. You've been over to his or her family's house for Sunday dinner. You and his or her siblings have gone to the ballgame. Now your special someone's family has invited you to spend the long holiday weekend with them—a perfect time to learn more not only about your date but also... his or her family!

This is a big deal for many reasons. And, while there may be a million things rushing through your head about this visit, there may be one you're not thinking of: The Ten Commandments!

Yup. You read that right. The Ten Commandments, namely, the 4th Commandment. Now, you may be confused, but hear me out. The 4th Commandment actually has a lot to do with dating and, as you grow closer to your date and begin to spend more time with his or her family, it's important for you to keep that Commandment in mind and see how it does (or doesn't) play out in the dynamics between your date and their family.

Your date's family (and their relationships with them) can tell you a lot!

Learning about each other in a relationship is crucial; however, learning about your potential spouse's family is also crucial.

After all, his or her family becomes your family, and his or her parents will be your children's grandparents. Moreover, parents, aunts, uncles, and siblings all played a role in his or her formation. Out of the lot, the most formative and even important familial relationship is the parental relationship. When dating someone, it is essential to pay attention to how well he or she keeps the Fourth Commandment, and we will examine why...

What do the Commandments have to do with dating anyway?

As with all things in life, the Commandments are excellent guides for helping us conduct our lives in a way that will please God. Likewise, they are a great resource for evaluating our dates and discovering whether or not they are the type of people who will eventually lead us to Heaven one day. (After all, that's the goal of a Catholic marriage!)

But what of the Fourth Commandment, honor your mother and your father? What does that say about your dating relationship?

Well, the Fourth Commandment may be more important than you think...

As we are reminded in Matthew 22:37-39, "He said to him, 'You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'"

While we may not always think of our parents as being our neighbors, they are, and, as their children, we are told to love them as we love ourselves. And, whether or not your date does that, says a lot about their character and also what their priorities in life are.

Honoring your parents isn't a Commandment you just "outgrow".

Willingly and deliberately failing to keep the Fourth Commandment, just like any of the Ten Commandments, is a mortal sin. Additionally, the Fourth Commandment is also the only Commandment that has a blessing attached to keeping it: Honor your father and your mother, that you may have a long life in the land the LORD your God is giving you (Exodus 20:12). Those who keep the fourth Commandment are blessed with a long life.  

Know, the Fourth Commandment is never a justification for evil. It doesn't mean children agree with everything their parents did or didn't do. Honoring parents isn't a gold pass for abuse. It doesn't excuse trauma: emotional, physical, or sexual trauma.  

However, watching how your future spouse keeps the Fourth Commandment e.g. honors their parents, may also give you an indication as to how your spouse will approach other Commandments, such as the Commandments relating to God and worship as well as those that relate the treatment of others: “thou shalt not commit adultery,” “thou shalt not steal,” and, "thou shalt not murder.” 

So, pay attention to how your significant other treats their parents!

Not only does the way we honor our parents affect our relationship with our parents, it also affects how your own future children may potentially relate to you.

Just as you would be concerned about dating someone who didn't value the importance of the 6th, 5th, or 7th Commandment, you should be concerned about someone who doesn't value the 4th!