How to Get Your Man to Open Up to You

Men and women are different in many ways. Women tend to be more detail-oriented and focused on day-to-day tasks, whereas men usually see the bigger picture and focus on broader tasks. Women are far more sensitive to the emotions and needs of others, but men are more inclined to problem-solve and find solutions. Women are usually more willing to be vulnerable and open up emotionally, and men sometimes need a little extra help sharing their feelings, weaknesses, and needs.

These differences, although there are some exceptions, often become more prevalent in romantic relationships and can be cause for conflict, confusion, or misunderstanding. This is especially true when your boyfriend isn’t inclined to open up about his feelings. For most women, it is so much easier for us to share our emotions, and we need vulnerability in order to love properly. Here are some tips to encourage your man to open up a little more. 

Show him that it is not selfish

Oftentimes, men have trouble talking about their feelings because they view it as selfish, unnecessary, and not part of the man’s job in a relationship. It is natural and virtuous for the man to feel like his role involves being there for you when you need to open up, but sometimes he forgets it goes the other way around, too.

It is human to have emotions, and it is your job to let him know that he is allowed to show his weaknesses, too. You can do this by helping him see that it is good for both of you when he is vulnerable. Show him that you need to know when he is not doing alright, and that you want to be there for him. You can also show him how much you appreciate the times when he has opened up.

Work on your response

Opening up about weaknesses and being vulnerable is very hard, and it is important for the listener to receive it well. Think about times when you opened up and the response was good or bad.

What made it good or bad?

Try your best to have a general idea of how you will respond when he shares his feelings. When he finally works up the nerve to open up, it may catch you off guard. When he shares, you want to be ready to receive everything he has to say. Often, people act in ways that they would like others to act, so pay attention to how he responds when you open up.

Is he quiet and just lets you talk?

Does he give you advice?

Does he affirm what you are saying or offer criticisms?

This may be an insight into how he would like you to respond. If you ever struggle with not knowing what to say or do, you can tell him that, and he may communicate how you can help him.

Communicate! 

Whenever you are struggling with an aspect of your relationship, it is always important to communicate this struggle to your partner. Talk less about it with your friends and more about it with him.

In what ways is it hard for you that he doesn’t share as much as you do?

Does it make you feel like the relationship is one-sided?

Do you feel like there might be something going on with him that he is not telling you?

Tell him everything you are feeling, and, at the very least, he will now know why there may be some unrest between you. This will also give him an opportunity and invitation to share what he is feeling. Always communicate rather than overthinking or talking behind his back, and always be fair in how you tell him.

Always leave space

Remember that being vulnerable comes more easily to you. Your boyfriend may need extra help that you hadn’t considered. For example, maybe he is ready to open up, but there hasn’t been a good opportunity.

Always leave space in the conversation for him to talk. And, if he doesn’t, gently invite him to talk by asking a question. Women sometimes tend to naturally fill all the gaps in the conversation. Sometimes he needs some help, and he definitely doesn’t want to interrupt you with something he views as less important. Share your feelings about something, and then let there be some silence. Even if the silence feels weird or awkward, lean into it, and see if he takes the opportunity to tell you what has been on his mind. 

At the end of the day, it is important for both men and women to remember the fundamental differences between the sexes in how we act, talk, think, and love. Remember that you both have the same goal and want the same thing, but you just go about it in two different ways.