How I Met My Boyfriend During the Pandemic

Let’s be honest, if you’re single, the pandemic isn’t doing anything to help.

While many groups could claim drawing the shortest end of the stick in regards to the negative effects of the pandemic, it’s fair to say that, objectively, being single in a pandemic stinks (and that’s putting it lightly). Quarantining looks a lot more like social isolation, nights that use to be filled with social events are now filled with Netflix and Zoom calls, and cooking real dinners isn’t as glamorous as it sounds when it’s for one.

Dating without face masks is hard enough, how is a single person supposed to meet another single person when social distancing is enforced, the majority of first-date spots are shut down, and we carry this unspoken fear of carrying or catching this terrifying virus from anyone outside of our immediate circle? 

While I realize I just painted an extremely bleak picture (if you find yourself reaching for that pint of ice cream, don’t head for the freezer just yet), I’m actually here to say the opposite. Believe it or not, I met my boyfriend in the pandemic. Not right beforehand, not because we were friends previously, and not because he was serendipitously my Instacart delivery boy.

On the contrary, we met in what is today a very normal and admittedly, boring, way to meet. We met online. Had I ever tried online before the pandemic? Again, admittedly, yes. Did we meet because of the pandemic? Honestly, maybe… at least, I can say that it played a part.

One ray of light in the midst of the pain and devastation due to the pandemic is this: we’re all in the same situation.

While dating woes are common, how often in the history of your dating life has every other potential S/O been bound by the same struggles you are? This takes some of the pressure off; the situation makes dating more difficult, but it does so universally. You are not the only one stuck with this problem, and in my time online I found how easy it was to bond and connect over the shared experience. In fact, it served as a natural segue into conversation and definitely helped take the edge off of the first encounter. 

As my brother-in-law (who has been trying to marry me off for years) so eloquently put it when the pandemic first began, "there are plenty more options for the picking" (in reference to online dating). In other words, because we’re all in this shared dilemma, we are all navigating efforts of finding new people, and the online platform is a very natural (and COVID-friendly) way to do so.

More people are online dating, more invested in the process, and open to being creative in the getting-to-know-you efforts. Why? Because we have to be! Necessity breeds invention, and the online platforms are being filled with, what I found to be, quality people. Simply put, the odds are more in your favor.  

But how does it work when you're ready to meet face-to-face?

As is the case with any online dating, there’s always the bold move of anticipating and waiting for the shared desire to take things offline. Typically, this would imply meeting in real life. The pandemic seems to have inserted an intermediate step—a virtual meeting.

I know, I know, I cringe just as much at the term, and believe me I cringed as I prepared for it, but in hindsight, I’m so glad that I was willing to try. I had Zoom dates with more than one guy, and I found it served as another means of taking the pressure off—it’s a much smaller commitment to sit on your couch for 40-60 minutes and Zoom someone than to get all dolled up for a first date that can easily take your whole evening. While not ideal, it does help to normalize the experience.

How many Zoom calls have you been on for work in the past 5 months? How often are you Facetiming everyone from your Grandpa to your college friends? Like it or not, virtual meetings have become commonplace in our lives, and it’s more than fair to make space for them in your dating life as well.

When my now boyfriend and I met for the first time virtually, it only took a few moments before we were both laughing at the absurdity of it all—who wants to meet on a video chat? Who would have ever thought you’d have to navigate dating in a pandemic? It gave us a chance to quickly connect over a shared-humor, a value we have carried throughout our relationship.  

When the first virtual date ended well, we later shared with one another how intentional it seemed.

We weren’t chatting because we had no one else to call (I think we’re all up to our eyeballs in screen-time), so the fact that we were both putting forth the effort and having more meaningful conversation was clear. Virtual dates continued, and by the time we mutually felt comfortable meeting in person, we had solid momentum carrying us there, and we were oh-so excited!

Referring again to the needed creativity in dating during a pandemic, my boyfriend and I did just that, we got creative, and we made space for the awkwardness of it all (such as meeting outside during a tornado warning simply because there was nowhere else to meet—again, something we still laugh about). Dates have looked different, we still comment on the fact that 4 months into dating, we’ve never been to a restaurant together, but it’s also served to continually remind us what’s important—spending time with one another. The ‘what’ isn’t as important when the ‘who’ is in place. 

I’ll wrap up by saying this—dating in this day and age is possible.

Trust me, I’ve never had much luck with dating. In fact, my luck has been so bad my girlfriends dubbed Halsey’s ‘Bad at Love’ as my theme song (no joke). So if the rookie can make it work, there’s more than enough hope for the rest of us. Finding love in the pandemic is possible, and speaking from experience, it is more than worth the effort.