God Only Gives Good Gifts—Including Breakups

"I'm not attracted to him."

This declaration would change my life. I said it to my counselor, before making an even bolder statement: "And I need you to tell me why."

The therapist laughed. I had hoped she would. I use humor to cope when a path I'd like to be on is pulled out from under me—when I know I won't be getting what I want.

I wanted to be attracted to the guy. Months earlier, I'd met him on CatholicMatch. On paper, our relationship made a lot of sense. He is a mental health counselor and I have a master's degree in mental health counseling. He helps clients overcome pornography addiction; I help people practice the virtue of chastity. And we are both practicing Catholics.

But hesitation overcame me, and it took weeks to figure out why—I wasn't attracted to him.

My admitting it was not commentary on whether he's attractive. Attraction isn't about what somebody else looks like on the outside. It's about what happens inside of you. As much as dating him sounded like a good idea, everything in me said no. And as much as I wanted her to, my counselor couldn't tell me why.

But she could tell me this: "God only gives good gifts," she said. "And your lack of attraction to him is a good gift. You just don't know it yet."

I know it now, of course. That relationship's end freed me to accept a dream job in my hometown, to move about a thousand miles south, and to pursue what God gave me peace about pursuing. But it wasn't the first time a plot twist disrupted my life. It won't be the last. And as summer turns to fall, I'm reminded of that.

Four times a year, the seasons give us a chance to embrace change.

The temperature drops or rises, which trains us to get good at making accommodations. The leaves change colors or hit the ground, snow buries your neighborhood, rain drenches the earth—which trains us to adjust to new environments. Most of us like some seasons better than others, and that trains us, too, to endure periodic discomfort.

But the seasons only train us if we let them. And maybe this is the season when we actually do.

Maybe as summer ends we run toward fall with open hands, to let go of what we like about summer and to receive whatever good fall will bring. And maybe instead of wishing we could go back a season or skip ahead to the next, we can sit still in this one. We can be present in it so we can get used to it.

The seasons, really, are the least of what will change throughout your lifetime.

The unexpected is definitely going to happen to you. But the seasons teach us that what happens isn't nearly as important as what we do with it.

In every facet of life—relationships, work, health, I could go on—you'll get one of two options. Option A is what you want. It's what you'd choose for yourself. Option B is what you don't want. It's anything you wouldn't choose. 

Option A is an opportunity to grow, to receive graces, and to thank God. But Option B is also an opportunity to grow, to receive graces, and to thank God. There is no significant difference.

Yes, there are plenty of practical differences between getting what you want and getting what you don't want. But your peace, your joy, and your relationship with God don't have to depend on any of them.

You'll celebrate when you get what you want and you'll grieve when you don't.

Some of what we get fires us up to share our joy with the whole world. Some of it makes us want to hide and hibernate. We are elated by some of the gifts God gives us. Other of His gifts devastate us.

But we can grow, cooperate with God's grace, and give Him gratitude no matter how we feel. We don't have to want what God gives us in order for what He gives us to be good.

And we are really good at thanking Him when we get what we want.

But surely, we can get good at also thanking Him when we don't.