But Just a Little [insert bad habit here] Won't Hurt!

As marriage ministers, we are often faced with situations where a spouse or young adult engages in an immoral behavior only once in a while. In their mind, these situations (casual flirting outside of marriage, viewing porn, getting high) don't have much of an impact on their life or their relationships. They justify their actions by saying it's not that bad. I only do it once and a while. A little bit doesn't matter.

But a little bit does matter. We know that. When it's wrong, it's wrong no matter when you do it. Sooner or later, immorality will catch up with you and cause agony.

Just a little bit can spoil the whole batch.

A wise woman that I know wanted to drive this point home with her two teenage sons after she caught them watching lewd YouTube videos of rap singers disrespecting women. The boys were so engrossed in the video that they didn't hear their mother open the door and walk in. After all of 10 seconds, the mother loudly called her sons out on their glazed viewing. Shocked, the boys fumbled to close the video.

Knowing they had been caught, they told their mom that they were just listening to the song's tune and melody. The video wasn't that appealing. And then one of the son's said, "Mom, you came in at the worst part of the video. Most of it shows the guys being nice and respectful. What you saw was just a small part of the whole thing. It was just a little bit. It doesn't really matter."

The mother expressed her disappointment in them. She harped that this type of thing was inappropriate and didn't belong in their home. She asked the boys to promise her that they would stop viewing videos of that nature. The boys promised.

A day or two later, the mother caught her boys watching similar YouTube videos. Again, she called them out with more insistence and disgust. She made them turn over their tablet and explained that it would be a long time before they would get it back.

That night at dinner, the boys sat silently at the dinner table. It was easy to see that they were both embarrassed and angry that they had been caught. Clearly, they just wanted to eat and leave. Imagine their surprise when their mother brought out one of their favorite meals—complete with dessert. The boys engaged a bit when they saw the food and actually began to enjoy the family meal.

When the dessert was placed on the table (chocolate brownies) the boys were eager to dig in until the mother said she had to tell everyone what had happened. She said, "While I was preparing the dessert, I turned around to see the cat jump up on the counter and walk across the uncooked brownie batter. She had just come from the litter box and its paws were still soiled. But, don't worry, I did my best to clean it up. I am pretty sure I got rid of most of the litter."

The boys pushed the brownies aside and refused to eat them. "Really Mom! How could you serve us something that probably has cat pee and feces in it. That's disgusting!" They continued to chastise their mom.

When they stopped, the Mom said, "Boys—it's just a little bit. It doesn't really matter."

At that, the boys clearly understood the point the mother was making. A little bit of something can matter.

How can we help curb the immoral behavior we deal with in marriage ministry?

• If you think something is not right, address it. Be like the mom who called her boys to task as soon as she caught wind of the harmful action.
• Even if you are not exactly sure what to do, start the conversation. Don't give immoral behavior a pass.
• Check in and check up. People who think they can cross the line without hurting themselves need fraternal accompaniment and correction. Be there for them or find someone who can be there in your place.
• Use examples that are stunningly clear to illustrate the potential harm that is ahead. (Feel free to use the brownie story!)

A little bit of attention from you will make a difference. It does matter.