5 Things Guys Care About More Than Your Appearance
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What are men looking for in a potential spouse?
It’s a question that an entire chapter of the Bible, Proverbs 31, answers. But, what does the answer given by Sacred Scripture mean in the context of everyday life in the 21st century? While no one can claim to speak for everyone of a certain gender, I believe most Catholic men who take the practice of the Faith seriously are looking for something along the lines of the following traits…
1. Fundamental Beliefs in Common
This naturally starts with basic questions of Faith. When I was still a member of CatholicMatch, before I met my wife, I was looking for someone who affirmed the basic teachings of the Church. But, I also think that this needs to go beyond the basics.
In an age that’s become toxic politically, there are certain questions that Catholics of good faith can disagree on, but that might be difficult for a married couple—especially if children become involved.
I think most people want to be married to someone who shares their basic convictions. It’s not necessary for either side to vilify people who don't agree with you but it’s appropriate to acknowledge that marriage will go a lot smoother if you’re with someone who sees eye to eye with you on subjects that matter.
None of us can predict what issues will arise in the future. What men do need to know is how their potential spouse will react in situations that might not be matters of Faith per se, but can still be deep issues of conscience. Finding someone who’s reading from the same playbook you are is immensely attractive.
2. A Few Important Things Not in Common
But, a man and his wife don’t need to agree on everything.
Not only do these not have to be a deal-breaker kind of disagreement, but they can add a little spice to the marriage. Topics like these, across the political, social, and cultural spheres, make for lively discussions.
How do you differentiate between subjects that make for fun discussion and ones that will lead to problems? Use this test—is the difference of opinion going to have a real actionable impact on your actual day-to-day life? If not, some disagreement will be fun and I personally don’t know any guy who really wants to be agreed with on everything.
3. Your Interests and Hobbies
We’re past the fundamentals now and into the fun. A man wants a spouse who will enjoy at least some of the things he does. My wife and I mostly enjoy the same kinds of TV programs and movies and we like watching political talk shows. We both like Irish music. When we have free time, it’s not a problem to find something we can enjoy together.
At the same time, it’s really not possible for any couple to be so in love that they want to spend every waking minute together (as much as the recent lockdowns made us try). It’s healthy for a man to have some things he can do by himself. In our house, I love sports. My wife could care less about them. It’s something I can do on my own and that’s something I find attractive.
4. Your Sense of Humor
Life can be hard. Living with someone can be hard. At a certain point, the idiosyncrasies of you and your spouse are going to rub each other the wrong way. Having someone who can deal with life’s ups and downs, and the difficulties of living in community together, with humor is an invaluable attraction. Laughter is good for the soul.
5. Your Ability to Be Creative
There’s something special about a home that’s beautifully decorated for Christmas or Easter. Or in our house, with the Irish heritage, for St. Patrick’s Day. There’s something uplifting about seeing even the living room creatively decorated just in the course of day-to-day living.
God Himself is the ultimate Creator and all of our creative gifts are simply a share in that gift. The woman who uses the creative gift makes the home a much warmer place to be, and it’s a very easy trait for a man to love.
Ultimately, all of these traits can come back to a single word—Heart. A woman whose heart is good is immensely attractive. It’s what endures well after the bodies of both husband and wife go into decline. And, at the end of the day, that’s what most men are looking for.
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