10 Things That Will Sabotage Your Dating Life

The onion rings at the deli looked delicious.

I gave in to temptation and placed an order for those sweet-tasting, crispy, crunchy circles of onion delight. The deli server chuckled and said, “Now that’s a girlfriend deterrent.” I chuckled too, but only because my wife would be eating defensively and sharing in their deliciousness, giving both of us wicked onion breath. But, nothing that a swig of Listerine couldn’t handle.

That’s when I had a thought. What are those things people do that turn off their dates? What are those annoying, irritating, and repelling behaviors that are a 100% guarantee there won’t be a second date?

There are things you should do on a date and things you shouldn’t. Allow this dating veteran to suggest a few things you might consider avoiding. 

Bad Hygiene

I learned early while dating my wife that her sense of smell matched that of a scent-tracking bloodhound. I made sure to properly address my breath and my body odor. She didn’t like heavy cologne, so keeping it light proved wise. Still does. Poor grooming habits and a lack of deodorant can undermine a relationship before it even begins.

That said, I must confess my wife later admitted she finds a freshly-showered husband, sans cologne, most appealing, while I find her to be quite enchanting when she works in the garden wearing an old shirt, with beads of perspiration on her brow, and a smidge of dirt on her cheek.

Rudeness to Strangers

For some strange reason, there are those among us who think putting others down elevates us in the eyes of those we want to impress. Nothing could be further from the truth. Show me a person who disrespects restaurant servers, fails to offer common courtesies to the elderly, or blows a cork with small children, and I’ll show you someone whose struggles in their dating life.

Failure to Listen

Too often, people possess a profound need to justify their existence and go into minute detail as to why they are such a good catch. So if you find that you have dominated the conversation, it may very well be the last conversation with that date. Being preoccupied with what YOU want to say next and ignoring your date while she is talking is disrespectful and usually all too obvious.

On the other hand, being a good listener reflects respect. Asking open-ended questions and allowing space for answers is a great way to engage your date in conversation. 

I recall the first conversation with my future wife. A month after meeting on CatholicMatch and exchanging emails, we agreed to meet face-to-face for the first time. We wanted to keep it safe and simple and, if we are honest, make it easier to leave if the meeting proved disappointing. So we met at a McDonald’s over sweet iced tea and cookies. It turned out to be a delightful two-hour conversation. I knew when we parted, there was going to be another date. 

Given to Distractions

Another aspect of listening poorly is giving in to distractions. We have all done it. You are on a date, and your phone vibrates. You answer it and step away to finish the call. Or maybe, you and your date are engaged in a serious discussion, but you cannot resist the urge to quickly check your phone to see if the Yankees beat the Astros.

Unfortunately, most of us can think faster than we talk, so our minds are prone to wander. If you are dating to find a mate, treat your date accordingly and give them all of your uninterrupted attention. Giving in to distractions can sabotage your dating life.

Being an Interrupter

Yes, this is related to listening skills, but it deserves its own category. You are telling a story, and your opening comments spark an idea in the mind of your date. They interrupt, and before you can say, “excuse me,” they have hijacked the conversation in a different direction to tell THEIR story. You never get to complete yours. Be an interrupter, and your phone calls may soon be blocked.

Too Sensitive and Quick-Tempered

We all have those triggers that are sources of irritation. But how we respond to those triggers can reveal what kind of person we are. Are you slow to anger or quick to take offense? Patiently allowing a conversation to unfold is a helpful life skill that serves more than just your dating life.

Lacking a Sense of Humor

There’s a time to be serious and a time to laugh. Especially when you do something dumb and choose to laugh it off. You don’t have to be the life of the party, but being able to be teased a bit, laugh at yourself, or enjoy an appropriate joke can be a charming quality. Plus, humor and laughter lighten the mood. A humorless soul is no fun to be around.

Being Etiquette Challenged

In today’s world, men are sometimes chastised for being chivalrous gentlemen. Sadly, opening a door for your date and paying for the meal can generate a rebuke from some women. However, I found that most women appreciate such behavior and look more kindly towards me because of it.

Fortunately for me, my European-born wife-to-be graciously accepted that people in the South eat fried chicken with their fingers. But, she could never appreciate a man who let a door slam in her face.

Lacking Tenderness

Masculinity has a bad rap these days. Toxic is a word often associated with masculine behavior. It shouldn’t be. Sure, some guys think masculinity is only displayed through strength and roughness. It may surprise you that there is more to masculinity than brute strength.

St. Jerome once said, “Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength.” And in romance, that trait is especially true. Tenderness in touch and gentleness in manner is spelled R-O-M-A-N-T-I-C. The lack of it spells BYE-BYE.

Being a Narcissist

This reminds me of the 2001 song by Country singer Toby Keith, “I Wanna Talk About Me.” The lyrics go on and on about how his girlfriend talks only about herself until the singer says, “You know talking about you makes me smile. But every once in a while, I wanna talk about me!”

So go ahead and ignore your date’s needs, blame them when things go wrong, and make it all about yourself. And before long, the only person you will be talking to is yourself.

Want to sabotage your dating life? Spray on some girlfriend deterrent? Then exhibit the above behaviors, and you will surely have a dating life that can only be described as one and done.

Then you can eat all the onion rings you want and skip that bottle of Listerine.