Why Is Dating So Hard For Millennials?

I’m a big fan of lists and quizzes, so when I saw a list of ten reasons Why Dating As A Millennial Is So Screwed Up, I knew I’d be able to relate.

The following are all very valid arguments from the article as to why millennials might be having trouble with relationships followed by how I think we can fix the situation.   

1. WE GHOST AS A WAY TO END THINGS.

If we’re no longer interested in someone, we don’t need to tell them—we simply stop responding.

I hate to break it to you, but this is incredibly rude. Just because we think our online presence is separate from real life does not make it right. We’re not as anonymous as we like to think we are. We’re all made in the image and likeness of God, and that dignity requires that we treat others as we would have them treat us.  

2. WE’RE HYPER-FOCUSED ON SEX...

Most of the time, sex doesn’t lead to a relationship—it leads to heartache, confusion and another one-night stand with the next person.

I think that one of the benefits of being a practicing Catholic is that sex is not up for discussion. I’m not saying that the physical temptation isn’t there. I am saying that we should be grateful that we are able to make intellectual decisions without the confusion of an intimate physical relationship.  

3. WE’RE IN A COMPETITION OF WHO CAN CARE THE LEAST.

Showing actual emotions is heavily frowned upon.

I have a very independent personality and having been burned a few times in the past hasn’t helped my trust issues. Why should I rely on someone else when I can do everything better? A huge issue in any relationship is learning to trust the other person and to open up about our own feelings and weaknesses. It’s difficult and takes constant practice, but emotions are also what make us who we really are.  

4. WE’RE TOO STRATEGIC ABOUT OUR RESPONSES.

Responding right away comes across as desperate and too available.

I assume that everyone I talk to now has a smartphone, giving them immediate access to messages. It’s one thing to delay a response because of work or obligations. But to hold back because we want to look more important than the other person does not seem like a good way to start a relationship. Don’t play games.   

5. WE EXPECT A PERFECTION THAT DOESN’T EXIST.

Social media and thousands of dating profiles shoved in our faces leads us to believe we’re entitled a fairy tale life that doesn’t truly exist.

We should strive for perfection, but we are all flawed. The purpose of dating is to see which of these flaws we can live with and what might make us compatible. I’m not saying we should abolish all deal breakers, but maybe we could try being a little less critical about non-essentials.

6. WE’RE OVERLOADED WITH OPTIONS.

We don’t believe we need to settle on anything because there’s always someone better looking with a better family life, better hobbies or someone with a better bank account.

Ah, the fear of missing out. It is hard to settle on one person, when we have pages and pages of options to choose from. After a few years of snapping pics everywhere I went, I’ve become one of those annoying people who preaches, “Put down the phone! Be in the moment!” Be present in the present. Appreciate what you have now. Don’t constantly look ahead to what might be. You might be ignoring a great spouse on this page.   

7. WE’VE BECOME CONTENT WITH BEING ALONE...

We’re fine on our own, so we won’t leave our comfort zones for anyone.

As an introvert, I much prefer going straight home after work and not having to interact with anyone. I can watch TV, read a book, play the piano—and I don’t have to consult anyone else. Trust me, this is a horrible way to look for a potential spouse. The problem with so many of us is that we don’t think that other people are worth making the effort. Who knows? Maybe you'll find someone to be with who's better than being alone ;).

8. WE’RE ALWAYS STUCK IN A GREY AREA...

We’re left constantly wondering where relationships are headed, if anywhere, and plague ourselves with wondering if we’re wasting our time.

In college, I was the “weird” one, because I told people I wanted to get married and start a family. I guess it isn’t cool to say that? In reality, a few dates should suffice to see if the other person might be marriage material and if the relationship should continue. If there are red flags or just incompatibility, that’s not a failure. It’s a sign that the dates should stop so you’re both free to meet someone else.

9. WE DON’T FEEL ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE PAIN WE INFLICT ON TO OTHERS.

When we’ve hurt someone’s feelings, we don’t feel even the slightest bit inclined to apologize or to make good on our wrongs.

Even psychologists are saying that people are meaner now than ever before. Unfortunately, this is a vicious cycle that will continue unless we acknowledge the problem and try to reverse it. Social media and online personas can be so far removed from reality, that we forget that we’re still dealing with real people, with real emotions and souls.   

10. WE’RE ALL JADED AS HELL.

Trust is severely lacking in our dating culture...We’re all so confused by our own pasts, and with heaps of more stuff constantly being added to the pile, we’re all becoming more and more jaded than ever before. We don’t even trust that love exists anymore because all we’re constantly met with disappointment.

The only way out of this rut is to trust in the one Person who can never disappoint us. Visit Our Lord for a holy hour. Bring your sorrows and failures to Our Lady (Mary, Undoer of Knots, anyone?). We don’t need to power through our lives by sheer willpower. We can ask for grace and consolation, and we will receive it.

“Ask, and it shall be given you: seek, and you shall find: knock, and it shall be opened to you.” - Matthew 7:7.