When we’re young, life feels simple. We dream big, make plans, and imagine life and love unfolding just like we’ve seen around us. But in a moment, everything can change: car accidents, a diagnosis, a job loss, or a global crisis, and suddenly we’re left wondering how marriage and family could possibly fit into this chaos. We may use this opportunity to make up reasons or excuses like, “Maybe things will get better if I wait”, or “No one could possibly handle this cross with me”. The truth is, there is rarely a perfect time in life. Rather, God gives us our trials or opportunities in His time, not ours. So, what happens when circumstances challenge us?
“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”- Gandalf, The Fellowship of the Ring
I probably quote this more than I should—but it sticks with me every time. It applies to so much of life! Here, Frodo says, “I wish this had not happened in my time,” and Gandalf replies with quiet wisdom. None of us chooses hardship. But instead of dwelling on anxieties, we’re called to live well, faithfully, and joyfully, making the best of the time we are given. This doesn’t mean throwing caution to the wind—prudence and discernment still apply. But just because life looks different than we imagined doesn’t mean we should ignore our vocation, or the opportunities God might still be placing in front of us.
The Unexpected Happens, Now What?
Whether you’re already in a relationship when the curveball hits—an illness, family crisis, job loss, or something else that throws life into uncertainty, or you’re still looking for a partner, suddenly the future you imagined becomes turned upside down. Panic sets in: What does life look like now? What happens to me/us? It's natural to question everything. But it’s also important to recognize that this is life. Everyone, at some point, will face crosses that test love, trust, and commitment, not just between people, but also between us and God. The real question becomes: how do we respond? Do we trust that God will handle things in His own time? Do we trust that if our relationship with our significant other is meant to be, we can work through it?
Selfishness Disguised as Empathy
From personal experience (I’ve been on both sides), I’ve seen how easy it is to respond to suffering by pulling away—convincing ourselves we’re doing the other person a favor. “They don’t deserve this. They could find someone with fewer problems. I don’t want to burden them.” It sounds selfless, heroically sacrificial, maybe, but often it’s fear in disguise. Ending things without a real conversation robs the other person of making their own choice. A relationship may end because of this new life you’ve been given—but you owe each other honesty and prayerful discernment, not an imperial decision.
Communication is Key!
I once read a story of a couple who were dating when the man’s parents became seriously ill. He told himself he couldn’t move forward with marriage until he was no longer their caretaker—but never expressed that clearly. She, in turn, never asked him to define their future. They lingered in uncertainty for years before parting ways. He never communicated his fear or uncertainty about how she would see him as he dealt with the new responsibilities. She never made it clear whether she was willing to bear the cross with him, regardless of how long it may be or what it looked like. They didn’t talk enough about what this new life would look like and what sacrifices each would have to make for it to work. With some prayer and honest talks, both could have avoided the years of uncertainty and the hurt that ensued because they were unwilling to discuss the hard things. You don’t need to force an answer, and neither does it have to be immediate. But by opening ourselves up to each other and to God’s promptings, we have a good chance of making the right decisions in a charitable, humble, and clear way.
A Cross or a Gift?
As frustrating and painful as these life-changing events can be, they can also become unexpected gifts. Every one of us will face trials—whether now or in the future—that God allows for our growth. Perhaps the challenge we face today is His way of testing our willingness to trust Him, not just in our lives, but in our relationships. These trials can either draw two people closer in faith and commitment, or they may reveal that the foundation isn’t strong enough to continue. Either way, it’s better to know now—before saying “I do”—there are no takebacks after that!
