You took your time and prayerfully worked on the application.
You prayed, grieved, and did the hard work. You had multiple conversations with your parish priest and your spiritual director. You read the books, prayed for wisdom, and attended a support group. However, the decision has come back for your Decree of Nullity. It did not go through. The Church has determined you are still held to the bounds of a sacramental marriage.
Perhaps you are shocked, devastated, or a little bit angry. What do I do now? What are the options? I had every hope that this would go through. It was not supposed to be this way. This is not fair, God! Perhaps you relate to some of these, and it is okay to feel how you feel in this very difficult news.
Your annulment did not go through. Now what?
Here are a few helpful next steps for you to take in the wake of this difficult news.
Meet with your advocate—I would encourage you to meet with your advocate (a trained lay minister or the deacon or priest at your parish) sooner rather than later. Go to the person who worked so closely with you on your annulment to better understand why your decision came back the way it did. Share, honestly, where you are at and what is going through your mind. Together, you both can form a game plan and decide what other options can be taken.
File for appeal—Many times the evidence submitted by either the parties or witnesses was not sufficient for the judges to make a decision with moral certitude on the validity of your marriage bond on the day of your wedding. Ask your advocate to talk with the tribunal. Revisit the grounds and your testimony with your advocate. Consider other grounds or new witnesses. Work and talk with your advocate to see if filing for an appeal is something you could further pursue.
Filing a new case on different grounds—If this is a possibility, you need to work closely with your advocate. Is there a different ground on which your case could be tried and receive a new trial? Your advocate can look at Canon Law to see what other possible grounds your case could be re-tried.
What if an appeal fails or is not possible?
I am not going to downplay or sugar coat that this reality is a great and heavy cross to carry. While you may privately feel you have grounds for a decree of nullity, marriage is never personal. It has a public dimension to it that the Church takes seriously, with a duty and right to protect it.
If your appeal fails or is not possible, you are still bound by your marriage vows until death. The Church recognizes you and your spouse in a valid, sacramental marriage covenant. You cannot date, marry another person, or even consider new relationships. If you were to do so, you would be committing adultery. This hard reality is an uncomfortable one, but one we have to acknowledge. Whether or not you feel justice was served, it can be a very difficult intellectual and emotional struggle to accept this situation.
I do not know how common this situation is, but I know the reality of it exists, and it is painful and hard. This reality does not mean Jesus loves you any less or will not be with you in this heavy cross.
What are my choices?
Sadly, some people leave the Church. While the pain and anger are real, I would caution anyone considering this route to not leave Jesus in his sacraments. He will never abandon you, even in this awful reality. He will comfort the brokenhearted and will walk with you through this pain. I pray you run to the heart of Jesus, find support from a trusted spiritual director or priest, and stay close to the sacraments.
Some people will stay in the church but civilly remarry. This choice, while often done so in ignorance, sets individuals outside the Church and prohibits them from receiving the sacraments.
Some will remain single until the death of their spouse. This is the right way to proceed. Making the right choice is not always easy, but doing as the Church desires for us will also bring true peace, freedom, and healing.
This is a hard, messy conversation to have.
This is a situation I hope that never touches your life, but the reality is that not all annulment cases go through. If this situation does apply to you, not all hope is lost!
The Church does not want to forget you or ignore this difficult reality. Lean on trusted spiritual guides. Cling to Jesus and the sacraments. Go to the Sacred Heart of Jesus to help you heal and grow, even through such a difficult reality.
Know of my prayers for you.
You still have a home and a place in the Church.
