Should You Listen to What They Think About Your Relationship?

Are you feeling isolated from your family and friends because of the person you’re dating?

Whether it’s in a big dramatic way, or in smaller unspoken ways, it’s so important to consider the root cause of this division, and to truly take the time to examine whether or not your family and friends have something worth saying.

No one knows or loves you better than your family and friends do! If they have a bad feeling about your significant other or if they dislike them for any reason, there is so much value in at least hearing them out and considering the reasons for why they are feeling the way they do.

Have you seen Gilmore Girls? It might help me explain this concept. So Gilmore Girls is a popular television show revolving around a spunky mother and her daughter, Rory. Rory spent years of her life in a tumultuous, on-again-off-again relationship with her boyfriend Jess.

Rory liked Jess because he was different from the other guys she knew. He was smart and kept her on her toes. He was care-free and independent. (Not to mention, good looking in a “devil-without-a-cause” kind of way.)

Yet, her own mother and grandmother despised him, and her best friend cringed every time his name was mentioned. What was it about Jess that her loved ones disliked so much? What was Rory was missing?

While it was clear that they had a connection, Jess was moody, selfish, and uncompromising. He was lost, and he was dragging Rory along with him. Ultimately, he left her in a huff without even a word or explanation, breaking her heart and confirming the fears of her loved ones.

Why am I recapping a TV show for you?

Because I think it’s a very good example of the importance of listening to our family and friends! Though it’s hard to seriously consider the negative opinions someone has about the person you’re dating, there are some really good reasons for why this such an important thing to do.

(I often wonder if Rory would’ve been spared years of heartache if she had just sat down and seriously reflected on what her family and friends had to say…)

Consider this:

—Those who truly love you always have your best interest at heart.

When family and friends don’t understand your love for someone, it’s easy to think that they have it all wrong and that they just don’t understand the person you’re with. But the truth is, those who know you well don’t want you to be hurt.

The people who love you want you to be valued and respected, and most of the time, when they are questioning your decision to date a particular person, it’s probably because they see you being treated in certain ways that are not reflective of your value. They want the best for you!

—Sometimes, they know you better than you know yourself.

Perhaps, since you began dating this person, you’ve changed in ways that you cannot recognize. Maybe your standards have lowered, or maybe your mood has altered in a significant way. These are things it’s hard to personally see, but those that know us well and love us can tell when we have changed for the worse in some way.

It’s not always easy to hear that we’ve “changed,” but it’s definitely worth considering! The person you’re with shouldn’t change you for the worse, but illuminate all of your good qualities, helping you become a better version of yourself.

—They can recognize warning signs that you don’t always see.

Ever heard the phrase, “Blinded by love”?

This is a real thing!

Our passions and desires for another person can sometimes completely alter our vision of who they truly are! We end up ignoring the warning signs that clearly communicate that they’re not treating us well or that they’re negatively impacting our lives.

The way they speak to you, act in front of other people when they are with you, act on social media or out and about when they aren’t with you…there are so many different things that we can’t always see that our loved ones can.

While it’s difficult to listen to someone point out negative qualities about the person you’re dating, it’s definitely worth the listen when it’s your loved ones who are witnesses to their character.

—They’ve likely been in similar situations, so they are speaking from experience.

Undoubtedly, there’s value in learning about other people’s experiences. Though not every situation always ends up the same, when your loved ones have a gut feeling about someone, oftentimes it stems from similar situations they’ve been in themselves.

Listening to those experiences might help you discern whether or not you’re truly dating the right person!

Though it’s instinctual to take what they’re saying with a grain of salt, it’s wise to at least consider the fact that your loved ones may be speaking from experience. If they’ve gone through similar situations, listening to them may save you a lot of time and heartache!