What Does It (Really) Mean to Be a Feminine Woman?

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When you hear the word femininity, what comes to mind?

There was a period in my life where if you had asked me that question I would have answered something like: being quiet, reflective, wearing dresses, etc. Growing up, one of the harmful messages I had to let go over time was unhelpful messaging about what it meant to be a little girl.

There were particular memories I have where my mom would repeatedly remind me to be a good girl, a quiet girl and act ladylike. “Remember,” she would say, “Nobody likes a loud girl.” While her intention was not to hurt me, my sensitive Patty heart absorbed unhelpful messages about what it meant to be a girl, to be feminine.

What I heard in those words was, “Be different from who you are. Act a certain way or people will not like or accept you.”

Why share with you such a personal story?

Because sometimes I feel in Catholic circles there is a false perception of what it means to be feminine, to be a woman.

To be feminine is not a one size fits all prescription.

God made every single woman he created unique, rare, and beautiful...just as He did with men. Women come in all different sizes and personalities. They have different vocations, careers, and ways of nurturing and bringing life into the world. They have different passions, interests, creative pursuits, and hopes and dreams.

The unique and necessary gifts of women are something vital and necessary in the life of the Church and the world, as affirmed by Pope John Paul II in his apostolic letter, Mulieris Dignitatem (On The Dignity and Vocation of Women). 

What does it mean to be a Feminine Woman? I promise the answer is easier than you imagine.

To be a feminine woman is to embrace and fully live out who God made you to be.

It is living out your vocation to love and be a life-bearer, whether you are single, married, widowed, or a religious sister. To be feminine, to let your life be a beautiful gift; first to God, and those around you, to build up God’s Kingdom on earth. 

True femininity is about embracing your gifting, charisms, passions, and dreams to nurture and bring new life in the world. It has nothing to do with wearing skirts or pants or leggings (yes, I went there ;)). It doesn’t mean you have to be a stay-at-home-mom or a career woman.

To be a femimine woman is to fully embrace who God made YOU to be, knowing that there is no right or wrong way to be a woman. Saint Francis de Sales reminds us, “Be who you are and be that well.” That is the answer friends! That is how you can be a good man, how to be a good woman...more importantly, that is what personal holiness is...to be yourself and be that perfectly well.

All you holy women...

From the lives of the saints, we can see that no two saints are alike; they are as different and varied as flavors in an ice cream shop.

May we find inspiration from the many different examples of female saints and holy women, who remind us that there is no one way to be feminine, to be a woman. What matters most at the end of the day, is that we become holy and more like Jesus.

Let us ask and invoke the intercession of many different beautiful, bold women of faith to pray for us, that we may fully embrace our call to holiness and feminine dignity.

Gianna, pray for us

Josephine Bakita, pray for us

Mary Magdalene,  pray for us

Frances de Chantal, pray for us

Joan and Genevieve, pray for us

Lucy, pray for us.

Teresa of Avila, pray for us.

Edith Stein, pray for us.

Kateri and Clare, pray for us.

All holy women, pray for us.

Who are women you look up to and admire in your life? How do they inspire you?

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