Single Men, Here's What You Have to Offer the World!

Things can be tough for the single man living in the world today, especially the more time goes on.

We’ve discerned whether we have a religious vocation, and have found that we feel called to marriage, but it hasn’t happened for us yet.

Maybe our friends are all married. Maybe our younger siblings are all married. We may be feeling alone, left out, desperate, less than others, or lost, as we don’t know what to do with our lives. Fortunately, there are many things we can do while single that will not only help us fill our life and better prepare ourselves for marriage but will also benefit the Church and secular communities. For now, this IS our vocation, and it’s up to us to use the time wisely!

It starts with us.

First, it all starts with us. Before we can be a help to anyone else, we need to take care of ourselves. That process begins spiritually. If we aren’t right spiritually, it’ll be hard to work on any of our issues. Frequenting Confession and the Eucharist will help give us the strength we need to resist the temptations we are faced with every day. It will give us the strength to really dig out whatever our vices may be.

For some of us, our faults may seem overwhelming, but we can at least get started! If you can find a good priest near you, spiritual direction can be very helpful. For me, he helped me realize there were some deeper issues at play that I hadn’t found on my own. He helped me to put them in perspective and gave me suggestions on how to fix them.

We’ll always be a work in progress, but it’s time to start now. Maybe we have an addiction to something. It will take time and effort to break it, but we can do it! The only time it's too late to start something is tomorrow. Tomorrow is never promised. Let’s start today!

An apple a day.

Still focusing on us, we need to look to our physical health. I’m pretty sure we have all heard the old saying “An apple a day keeps the doctor away”. What that apple is may be different for all of us. Maybe see a functional doctor to get checked for deficiencies that might cause problems in the future. Easier to take that blood test and eat the apple today than need a whole bushel later! Being fit in mind and body are important. Challenge yourself mentally by learning new skills, reading, and having experiences in the ways you can.

Physically you don’t need to be rocking a six-pack, and I know those of us who are ill or have health challenges can only do so much, but do your best! Our bodies are Temples of the Holy Spirit, we should treat them as such. Learn to become the leader and protector we men are meant to be. Learn how to be self-sufficient, take a martial arts class, learn how to shoot. You will be a better protector for it!

For those who may be chronically ill or have chronic pain, here are some thoughts for us. If you aren’t healthy, it’s harder to find a relationship, much less raise a family. Having had Lyme Disease for the last fourteen years and counting, I can attest that health plays a major role in how you are perceived by a potential spouse and the difficulties illness can bring to a relationship.

Unless there’s a spiritual reason, don’t let it stop you.

Though definitely seek advice from others and ask your spiritual director about it. You have worth, and the right person will see it. It can be hard to see this, and a lot of rejection or just disinterest may be depressing. But if your vocation is marriage, God will direct you to the person who will see past your cross.

Do the best you can with what you have! Work on confidence! Maybe you can’t have the body you want, or the energy, or clarity of mind, but pick something you can do or learn, and become proficient so that you can share it. Dress in what makes you feel comfortable. Do the best we can with what we’ve got!

Be careful, side effects of working on these may include a sense of wellbeing, confidence, joy, and may even attract that special person you’ve been waiting for!

Carpe Diem (Seize the Day)! 

Being a single man actually gives us a lot of opportunities, such as helping the Church community. I don’t mean community in the light, fluffy way of all getting together and “feeling” good about it. The Church is one and universal. Our good and bad actions affect all of us. Helping this spiritual community can bring joy and purpose into our lives.

Were you an altar boy? Offer to help train the new ones. Churches I’ve attended are always on the lookout for help in cleaning, caring for the grounds, and help in the offices. Reach out to church youth groups and offer to lead or help with them. Search out the needy of the parish and offer to mow lawns for the elderly, or grocery shop for a widow.

And last, but not least, shape yourself into a role model for the boys and young men who may look up to you. Live a life of virtue to the best of your ability. You may not have your own family yet, but you can still help lead young ones to God. 

Having a servant's heart.

Another place we can use our singleness to make a difference is in service to our country or social community.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church, Doctors of the Church, and Christ Himself have told us it is important to love our country and to give our earthly dues to the proper authority. So, think of the ways you can make the most difference.

No matter where you live, the easiest place to create change is at the local level. As a single, you may be able to devote evenings going to town hall meetings, helping a moral candidate running for office, or even run for office yourself! You could volunteer as a firefighter or join your county’s search and rescue team.

You don’t need to be a nature worshipper, but we were instructed by God to be good stewards of what He gave us, so why not volunteer to help clean up the litter along highways or at a state park? The main point here is to be a servant to our fellow man, as Christ instructed us. 

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

While we need to focus on the serious side of making ourselves better, we also need to realize that we need a little relaxation. Relaxation is healthy and necessary to our well-being. While catching a sports game or getting in that game of Madden now and then as video games become more a part of the generations, are not bad, they are not the best way to spend our time. I think they have their place, but we can both relax AND better ourselves.

Personally, I love nature. Camping can be a character builder, skill builder, and relaxing. A game of paintball with the guys may be physically demanding but can teach skills and build comradery. Join a rec league for sports. Some churches have softball leagues, check into those.

While you’re at it, it’s a great time to learn to leave work at the office, wherever the office may be. From watching my parents and other families, not bringing your work troubles home with you can lead to a happier family. Why not practice now? These activities can give you stories to share and make you a healthier and well-rounded man. 

So, be not afraid.

All these actions, caring for and bettering ourselves, serving the Church, serving our neighbor, and relaxing in the appropriate ways, will give us a life of meaning and help us on our way to our ultimate goal, to be united with Christ in Heaven.

These four areas will not only prepare us better for marriage but will make us better men overall, wherever God takes us in life. It will make us more interesting to others. It will help us feel fulfilled, bring us joy, and who knows, maybe one of these activities will lead us to the spouse God intends for us!