“This year, I’m giving up being single for Lent. Dear God, please, send me someone right now.”
If only it were as simple as that, right?
If you feel like you are ready to give up on dating for Lent, stop and read this article. Instead of giving up dating, I am challenging you to give up being single (and all the bad habits that could be holding you back from meeting someone)!
While that may sound silly, I encourage you to start these 40 days with an open mind and an open heart and push yourself to get outside of your comfort zone, try new things, and really seek to expand your dating life through my suggestions below.
Here are eight things you can give up to help yourself find a partner during this Lenten season. While none of these are guaranteed to get you an instant relationship, they will all push you to become a better version of yourself and hopefully lead you to meet the right person.
1. Give Up Closing Yourself Off, and Instead Keep Putting Yourself Out There
Although I am in a relationship (thank you, CatholicMatch!) I often find myself perusing the r/CatholicDating subreddit from time to time when I am bored, and giving unsolicited advice to strangers on the internet. There, I read the posts of young Catholic men and women who have become discouraged by the modern dating scene. I’ve seen users proclaim that once they turn 35, if they haven’t found a partner, they plan to withdraw completely from the dating scene.
Closing yourself off from connecting with others is the worst thing you can do to find a partner. Through prayer and meditation, we must stay hopeful in the fact that God has a plan for all of us. So, this Lent, give up closing yourself off and replace it with getting yourself out there (even when it’s hard)!
“There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
2. Give Up Your Luke-Warm Prayer Life, and Keep a Prayer Journal
Writing down your thoughts and feelings will help you organize and evaluate your personal experiences and goals. Your prayer journal could be in the form of a to-do list, a letter to God, or just a random entry of your thoughts and feelings at that moment. No matter what, reflecting on your own thoughts and desires will help you to develop a plan for how to accomplish those goals.
On Instagram, I saw a post about a woman who wrote a prayer letter for her ‘future husband’ once per week, every week, for five years. She hadn’t even met him yet, but she spent the time reflecting on what she wanted in a potential husband. When she finally met the one and was ready to get married, she presented the prayer letters to him as a wedding gift.
3. Give Up Unhealthy Habits, and Choose to Maintain Physical and Mental Health
Working out, eating right, and getting enough sleep is the best thing that you can do for yourself when you are single. Healthiness and confidence are two of the most attractive traits that single people look for in a partner.
1 Corinthians 10:31 says, “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God.” Taking care of yourself physically and mentally fulfills the wishes of God. He does not want us to wallow in our own despair or self-pity; we must take action to improve ourselves and take care of ourselves.
If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline '1-800-273-TALK (8255)' or text TALK to 741741 at the Crisis Text Line.
4. Give Up Negativity, and Replace It With a Smile
There is a sign hanging up outside of my classroom that my students walk past every day. It says, “One kind word can make a world of difference.’ This may seem cliche, but it is so true.
Make an effort to be a positive person. This means smiling at strangers, opening doors for ladies, and giving unsolicited compliments with no expectations of reciprocation. Ask a coworker how their day is going, or if there is anything you can do to help them out.
When you practice positivity, people will begin to react differently around you. Your presence will become even more enjoyable, and you will see that people will become attracted to you.
5. Give Up Bad Self-Talk, and Stop Criticizing Yourself
While we should always reflect on our own shortcomings and sins as Christians, there is a fine line between repentance and self-hate or sabotage. Do not fall into the Devil’s trap of overly criticizing yourself.
Dating is hard, and when you face rejection frequently it becomes easy to doubt yourself. However, you must maintain a sense of personal value and self-worth. Remember that He created you in His image. You are loved and you were created to love others—including yourself!
A great way to build confidence in yourself is to pray for yourself. Pray that God gives you the strength to love yourself and the wisdom to know your own worth. Reciting this prayer on a daily basis will do wonders for your self-esteem and confidence.
6. Give Up Dishonesty, and Choose to Always Be Honest With Yourself
Do not hide who you are from others, especially when you are dating. Being open and honest about the person you are is the best way to find a partner with similar values and interests. And, as difficult as it sounds, don’t be shy! The right person is going to be attracted to all of your quirks and uniquenesses.
7. Give Up Your Failures, and Find Personal Success and Fulfillment
A common theme I have been writing about is confidence. Confidence is attractive in both men and women. In order to be confident in yourself, you need to find fulfillment in what you do on a day-to-day basis.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that you need to love everything about your job before you are able to find success in dating. However, it is important that you find something that you are passionate about; something that you find joy in every single day. This may be a favorite sport, a hobby like painting, singing, or writing, or even a side-hustle like an Etsy shop or YouTube channel.
If you have a passion, you will find fulfillment in life. This leads to increased feelings of contentment and confidence.
8. Give Up Unkindness, and Focus On Being Nice to Others
This is a no-brainer for Christians, but it is so important that it is worth repeating here. The Golden Rule is the principle of treating others as one wants to be treated. Jesus taught us to love our neighbor as ourselves.
Kindness is noticed by others, whether you realize it or not. If you get into the habit of giving compliments, holding open doors, or even just making small talk, people will notice this and want to be around you. Even if you don’t work in an office where you can practice these skills on coworkers, think about other places where you can be social with others: the grocery store, the post office, in line at the bank.
The other day, my fiancé took me out for frozen yogurt. While we were waiting in line for our yogurt to be rung up, I noticed that the man behind me looked astonishingly like Steve Martin. I mentioned it casually to him, and we began talking for almost fifteen minutes. He wound up showing my fiancé and me pictures of himself from his childhood and shared an anecdote about his teenage daughter starting tenth grade. It would surprise you how easy it is to make friends when you are outgoing and open to friendship.
Now is the time.
So, there you have it...multiple ways to remove bad habits (that could be keeping you single) and replace them with ones that might just lead you to meet "the one"!
Lent is a full 40 days long, so I encourage you to try your best to tackle as many of these as you can this season. When you're single, sometimes even the smallest change in your attitude or approach can make a significant difference.
Find Your Forever.
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