The Most Common Struggles for Online Daters Over 50

These are common issues that online daters over 50 experience. Any of them ring a bell for you?

Safety

• You struggle with or are skeptical about using new technology
• You're nervous about the horror stories you've heard of people being scammed from online dating, and you're not sure how to stay safe and savvy online
• You're worried about how truthful people are in their profiles

Grief and Confidence

• If you've been widowed, feeling like you are betraying your late spouse by dating again; still battling heavy periods of grief
• If you've been divorced, struggling with the pain and wondering if you will ever find love
• Struggling with self-confidence and aging by only posting pictures of yourself when you were younger

Expectations

• Not knowing what to expect and so expecting to find a spouse decades younger than you
• Expecting too much by looking to find someone within 15 miles of you in thirty days or less
• Women: not sending any messages because you expect the man to reach out first
• Men: not sending messages because you expect the women to drop the hint that she is interested first so you don't get rejected constantly

If any of these are bothering you, don't worry! You are not alone. I used online dating in my late 40s to early 50s after my husband died. After about a year of dating, I met Joe here, and we have now been married eleven years! Since then I have helped many older customers, like me, who are dating online.

Let's address safety first.

On staying safe online:

Unfortunately, it's definitely a sad state in the world when people will try to take advantage of a Catholic dating site! However, it may help to know that while anyone can create an account and profile on our site, we do have security processes in place to remove anyone who isn't here for the right reason.

Sometimes this happens immediately and sometimes it happens after someone begins communicating; it all depends on what they do to flag our security program. While we do have scans that run 24/7, we also rely on our members to report anything unusual to us so that we can act right away.

Wondering how to spot someone who is not here for the right reasons? These people focus on building an emotional relationship with someone without ever meeting; they always make excuses to not meet face to face. They will then invent a "crisis" situation that requires the target to send them money to resolve it.

The best protection you have while dating online is to keep your communication with someone on our site for at least a week before exchanging contact information. Have several conversations on different topics. This gives you plenty of time to uncover any red flags and inconsistencies in someone's story, as well as give our security scans time to run through its checks. We want to help our members become savvy when it come to online dating, so we provide several safety FAQs that you can find here.

On staying safe on dates:

When meeting someone for the first time, we always recommend that you meet in a public place and that you have your own transportation. That way if there isn't a good chemistry, you can leave at your convenience.

But, even before you do that, I would encourage you to exchange phone numbers or have a video conversation to get to know each other better before meeting. Again, if there isn't a good chemistry via your conversations, this will save you both from having the travel expenses to meet. And if there is good chemistry, he may have no problem traveling to your area for your first meeting. Try not to think too far ahead; just stay in the present, use wisdom and discernment through prayer and let things unfold!

On dealing with grief and having confidence:

The timeline for grief is different for everyone. To process my own grief, it took many years, a lot of journaling, and reaching out to people I trusted. If you are still really struggling, it might be time to take a break from online dating for a bit. Here are some tips on what grieving looks like.

And as far as self-confidence goes, it is really important to present yourself as you are online. You need a recent picture from the past few months, not a picture from ten years ago. While you may not like how you look now, it is who you are. The right person will be attracted to you...and you are doing the both of you a disservice if you are presenting yourself dishonestly.

If you are struggling in the aftermath of divorce and are unsure what to do about dating, here are some resources that can help you. And if you have gotten your marriage annulled but are doubting that you are lovable or can find anyone again, know that you are not alone and there is hope!

On appropriate expectations:

Do you feel like it's taking too long to find someone?

As a former member, I can identify with the frustration one feels when the process to find someone special takes longer than expected. But then when a match is found, that frustration definitely disappears; I found my match after being a member for over a year.

But I will admit that when the trials came as they do in any marriage, it's because we remember how long it took to find each other that we know we'll get through the trials, since we're convinced it was God who brought us together in His time.

Remember, it's not how many replies you receive, but rather it’s receiving replies from the right person that counts. And to find the right person, sending messages to show your interest is the beginning toward making that connection.

Are you only looking for someone much younger than you?

While it is not immoral or wrong to search for people much younger than you, it is a not a good habit to have. It is unusual that drastic age differences work well for a couple—usually, people end up with someone around the same age or just a handful of years apart.

Are you only looking for people within thirty miles of you?

While it's certainly ideal to find someone close by, the reality is that you probably would have already met most of the eligible Catholic singles through area Church and Diocesan singles events and secular social events. We offer the ability to widen the pool of prospective matches to include singles who may already travel to your area on business or to visit family members. That way, a relationship may not seem so long distance.

For example, we have many members who spend the winters in Florida, but live elsewhere the other months. But if you only have your distance set to 25 miles, you'll never find these hidden gems. That way, any relationship will be more local at least during the time that he or she lives there, and once you both hit it off, you can both figure out the rest.

I hope these thoughts have helped you! If you have any specific questions, please email us at support@catholicmatch.com